Horoscopes by Drunk Editors

Aries (March 21-April 19): The cosmic plane has a kind of weird stain in your corner. Review your notes, and check your math. This is your stupid month. Especially for dating. Just don’t do it. You’ll only fuck it up. Take time for yourself. As in, you’re single for a reason.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Authorities may need persuasion, so articulate the benefits of your point of view. You might need to get persuasive, if you know what I mean. Provide excellent service with the finest ingredients. Additionally. Prepare for later lunch, because of that class that always runs late.

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Companies with Personality

As a computer science major, I have a tendency to force problems into algorithms, usually to a fault. While taking part in an International Business Semester at Copenhagen University last semester, I focused my algorithm goggles: what makes a company successful? One similarity that really struck me was personality. More specifically, the personality of the person in charge with respect to the projected image of the company.

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Announcing Dr. Liu

Frankly Speaking is pleased to announce the addition of a new advice column. Dr. Liu will anonymize and answer your interpersonal problems and questions. Submit questions to roland.liu at students.olin.edu. If you want to submit questions anonymously, you can write them on paper and drop them off at WH315.

Doctor Liu

Doctor_LiuDear Doctor Liu,
There are too many dicks on the dance floor.
Love,
Not-a-dick

Dear Dickless,
If there are too many dongs, and too many shlongs, make sure before you go: the dance floor bro-hoe ratio; Five to one is a brodeo! It’s easy to fix, just spread out the dicks! It’s a dance floor…what can you expect, in all honesty?
But in all seriousness –
Tits or GTFO.
(I’m a bad person…)

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F Seeking Whatever for Valentine’s Day

I’ve never dated anyone long enough to make it to February, and therefore have never had a date on Valentine’s Day. This year, I’m changing that. I’m going on a date with Geoff Pleiss on February 14th, 2012. The problem is neither of us wants to go on a date with each other, so we’re each seeking out a special someone and double dating. With this article, I am opening applications to be my Valentine. The requirements for the position are as follows:

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Fund to Restore the Scholarship

Olin’s scholarship is an important tradition of this school. It recognizes all of Olin’s students as meritorious, and puts them on equal ground. It gives the students of Olin a fierce loyalty to the institution and the freedom to experiment with their education and education style.

The scholarship affects me, personally, very strongly; it’s not why I came here, but it is how. I know I’m not the only student who couldn’t afford Olin without the full scholarship. And having more pressure on a job through the college years would hurt the experience and grades of any student.

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The “Anonymity” Policy

The anonymity of the Taboo and Therapy mailing lists at Olin has been sacrosanct in the minds of students for years. Until recently, it appeared that the security of the lists was impenetrable. However, on the weekend of March 5th, an Olin student discovered that the unfiltered archives of all Olin mailing lists (including senders email addresses) had been openly accessible to the world for several years.

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April Fish

Although April Fools’ day is not an official holiday, that doesn’t stop it from being celebrated all over the world. Here in America, it is a day for pulling pranks, both elaborate and simple, on friends and enemies, but other parts of the world have twists on the tradition.

In other countries, according to april-fools.us, the April Fools’ Day takes on different twists and traditions.

In Scotland, April Fools’ Day is known as Taily Day and it is dedicated to “spoofs involving the buttocks.”

In some places, like England, New Zealand, Australia and South Africa, it is considered bad luck to play pranks after noon, so all the jokes are pulled early in the day. Some newspapers in these places even have a morning “joke” edition and a serious edition that comes out in the afternoon.

In France, Italy and French Canada, along with other pranks, it is tradition to try to affix a paper fish to people without them noticing, making them “April fish.” The term also refers to the recipient of other pranks played on that day.

So where did these silly traditions come from?

While it is uncertain, they may have originated around 1582 when the Gregorian calendar was introduced and the start of the new year was moved from the week of March 25th-April 1st to January 1st.

Some people who were reluctant to follow the new calendar and were thought “foolish” by the rest of society. They often had practical jokes played on them, such as being sent on silly or impossible errands or being invited to fake parties.

People who fell for these tricks were labeled “poisson d’avril” or “April fish” because a “young, naïve fish is easily caught” which is where the tradition of the attaching a paper fish is thought to have come from.

People around carry on the tradition of elaborate pranks and silly jokes on the unwary today- so watch your back, or you might find yourself an unwitting April fish!

Olin to Set World Record!

It’s been almost a week since my friend Oren and I e-mailed our plea to all students: Please save your one-sided print jobs; we want to put them to good use! We plan to break a world record – that of the largest ‘rasterbated’ image – for an Expo project. Preparation work is nearing its conclusion. Paper collection aside, all we need to do is to scrape our team of paper caper tapers together in order to assemble our masterpiece in the week before Expo.

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