Toilet Reading

In light of the Eagles’ recent ‘huge dub’ at the Super Bowl, I present to you, dear Frankly Speaking reader, a hacky allegory: I grew up in Philadelphia, and there’s a certain reputation our city has for sports hooliganism. Some may say it represents a larger city-wide ethos of sorts, others find it annoying—take your pick. There is a Philadelphian habit of climbing poles during major sports-related events in Center City. So much so that the PPD regularly greases the poles in anticipation of any such event. However, as the NFC championship game loomed, no such poles were greased. The implicit message being: “please don’t misbehave… because we asked you to.” This approach certainly has its merits, but on that very same day, an eighteen-year-old Temple University student fell to his death climbing a pole near City Hall. This is in no way to say that this tragedy could have in some way been avoided by a greasy pole, but does speak to the extent to which asking people to modify their habits for the greater good has its limits. 

I might add here that I, being a complete ‘woosie’ with a limited interest in professional sports, do not climb poles. The presence or absence of grease on a pole does not compel me one way or the other. As someone who already has a lifetime subscription to the tendencies of risk aversion, someone telling me not to climb a pole and someone making it hard for me to are indistinguishable. For those Philadelphians or visitors living out the image of a die-hard Eagles fan though, the behavior may as well be instinctual—it is part and parcel what you do in Center City when the Eagles play, win or lose—that, or cheering it on.

This idea of behavior modification came to me once again when visiting a Milas Hall bathroom and glancing upon the sustainability-green flusher on the toilet, complete with usage instructions printed above. For those unacquainted, a traditional downwards push on the lever uses a higher volume flush, and an upwards pull uses less water, for liquid waste. Let’s say, for example, that you don’t like to read stuff. You go to the bathroom, turn around, and push the lever the way you’re conditioned to do by years upon years of bathroom usage, regardless of what you’ve left in the toilet. Does this mean the lean green handle doesn’t work? Certainly not; there is simply a mismatch between the desired behavior change and the underlying behavior. Different example: you do like reading, but even having parsed the instructions behind the flusher, you just push it down like you’re used to. It saves water, sure, but for a large institution you don’t balance the books for, and you’re in a rush. Now, of course, we shouldn’t need an incentive to do something that’s ‘good’ and ‘green’–we should all have a vested interest in conservation of resources and what is good for the planet. But, as I think we can all attest to on some level, that’s not an attitude ‘we’ truly all share, or ‘we’ truly act on at all moments in our lives. 

‘We’ should of course not wring our hands and self-flagellate over this, but perhaps we can take the time to think about how these interventions might be re-designed. In this silly example of the toilet, what if the ‘default’ behavior saved water, and the ‘alternative’ behavior expended more? For our undesirable behaviors, would it not make more sense to make the behavior more challenging to continue, rather than say ‘please don’t do that’? 

Spankly Freaking: This Issue’s Rejected Headlines

From The Spankly Freaking Team…

As a new venture for the betterment of transparency and honesty, we have independently put together the headlines of every article that was rejected from this issue of Frankly Speaking. While big Olin media can refuse to publish our stories, they cannot take away our voice…

FWOP’s Show Sadly ‘Cancelled’ All Three Weekends

“It just didn’t work out this time, sorry guys,” said FWOP 

OFAC, ORBITAL, and CORe to meet with OAFA, StAR, and HB in the MAC (PARC), discussing RUOKs, CW, and ACRONYM

“Are you having a stroke?” ask all non-Oliners

ResLife To Implement New Policy: Putting You On Blast Every Time You Get Locked Out

“I’ve had too fucking much with you ungrateful assholes. You think it’s going to end here?? I got access to all-students motherfuckers, I’m going to put alllll your dirty laundry out there!” Said Patrick In A Public Statement

Outlook Calendar Looked At, Forgotten Immediately, Looked at Again

Student Presumed On Study Abroad Found After Deep Clean of West Hall Kitchen

In Shocking Power Grab, Presidential Search Committee Chooses Themselves To Be Collective Next President of Olin College

“Mwuahahaha! You fools! You didn’t think this was even an option!” They told reporters before casting a mysterious spell and disappearing into a cloud of smoke.

New Study Released, Finding That 99.75% of Oliners Have Something Lined Up For This Summer Already

Wait, are YOU the .25%? You don’t have anything?? Damn, you should feel like an imposter or something

President’s Cabinet “Ask Me Anything” Event Derailed By Student Asking ‘Incredibly Personal’ Question

Any further inquiries to the Cabinet about their favorite M&M color will result in an Honor Board

Reasoning “Ehhh I’m sure it’ll be fine”, Formula Collectively Shrugs, Selects a Toddler as Next Lead

With all junior and senior leadership stepping down, James Hartfow, 3, is left as the PM

Dang So Many Great Candidates! I Wish I Had a Way To Remember Em All!

You know, just some way to remember which ones I’ve met and their interests and stuff! Just some way to organize ’em all side by side in some easy-to-use and compact format!

4E and 2N to Enter Talks Over Central Loop Party Jurisdiction

“I will not yield an inch of ground that I believe is rightfully ours,” states Sausage Fest Party Captain. “Fuck you, we have the high ground” responded 4E

“I just don’t feel this relationship is reciprocal, I think we need a break…” Says Babo After You Heartlessly Didn’t Respond To Their 6 Calls, 15 Texts, and 27 Emails About The Guy in Parcel B

Babo Further Cited That “Roger was so sad that you didn’t even THINK to respond ‘Thanks’…”

After Two Months, Dining Hall Plate Left In MAC Stairwell Now Cultivating Richer, Healthier Culture Than Olin

Until next time.  – The Spankly Freaking Team

My Olin Mad Libs Adventure: A Normal Day in the Life as a Formula Member

By Hugh Keenan, Ava Possidente, and  ___(first name)___   ___(last name)___!

I stayed up all night working on my _(component of a car)_ and I’m so _(emotion)_ to show my formula lead and best pal, _(name of Oliner)_, what I spent _(number)_ hours on, for it was my time to present on my design review! When I was done presenting, I showed them a simulation of my _(body part)_ exploding. _(Oliner from before)_ was so proud of how I did that they jumped in the air with joy. “_(exclamation)_!” They proclaimed. “This _(noun)_ just might be what we need for the _(part of a car)_, and it might even solve world hunger!” Clearly this had to become a business model, so I ran to the LPB to figure out how to _(verb)_ its manufacturing process. I started by looking forlornly at the tools. I began touching the things. They were _(material)_. Probably. Except for the parts that weren’t. _(name of different Oliner)_ told me to attach the beams together. I did not know how to that _(adverb)_. Duck tape or _(plural noun)_ seems good. I think wheels are for the weak. We don’t need them. I’ll just throw them into the bottomless pit we built two _(plural unit of time)_ ago. I’ll throw my sorrows in there too for good measure. In exchange I have unlimited access to a plethora of _(plural noun)_. That aside, I _(past tense verb)_ the beams together. I accidentally lit some _(plural noun)_ on fire in the process though. But as _(Oliner from before)_ always says, “you can’t _(verb)_ on the _(noun)_ or else the _(noun)_ will get you down.” And I’ll bet my _(body part)_ they’re right! And this is why I don’t need a life outside of formula, because as you can see, I have all the _(plural noun)_ I could ever need.

My Olin Mad Libs Adventure: Getting Dressed for a Day at Olin

By Hugh Keenan, Ava Possidente, and  ___(first name)___   ___(last name)___!

I wake up on a day like any other. I’m feelin’ snazzy, sassy, and ___(adjective)___. ___(exclamation)___! I yell as I awaken from my ___(noun)___! The room is ___(adjective)___, the shower is ___(adjective)___, and with ___(noun)___ in my sink, I know today is going to be as ___(adjective)___ as the days before it. I ___(verb)___ my wardrobe and take a look to see what ___(noun)___ I could wear today. Sequins are a must. I ___(verb)___ the weather ___(noun)___, and it forecast a ___(noun)___ storm and a temperature of __(number)__degrees ___(unit of temperature)___, so I know I need to ___(verb)___ up and wear __(number)__ pairs of pants. First I find pants. My favorite. Then I pick out my sparkliest ___(article of clothing)___ and wiggle it onto my ___(body part)___. I am going to ___(activity of Oliner)___ later so I should probably also wear my ___(article of clothing)___. First ___(noun)___ I see goes right on my ___(body part)___. And for the last touches, I put on a(n) ___(article of clothing)___ just to look nice for the ___(mythical animal)___ tribe in Parcel B. Putting on makeup is a ___(noun)___. It makes me look so ___(adjective)___ that I have to do it at least once per ___(unit of time)___. I’m sure I’ll get so many compliments. My friends will probably say things like “I love the glitter on your  ___(bodypart)___.” or “your  ___(animal)___print  ___(noun)___really pulls the look together.” or “your  ___(noun)___ glows with the radiance of  ___(periodic element)___ going through fission.”  I look in the mirror and strike a little pose. I look flipping ___(adjective)___.  And with that, I am ready to ___(verb)___ the day with my ___(adjective)___ outfit. Now out the ___(noun)___ I go!

UX Means Love at First Run

My girlfriend, a Peace and Justice major at Wellesley, knows the basics of coding and piloting an aircraft, though her course of study does not teach the procedural skills for either.

Not only did she pick up coding and flying quickly, she was captivated by them. This was thanks to the great First Run Experiences of Codecademy.com and Microsoft Flight, which both serve the purpose of teaching regular people very technical skills.

Continue reading

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

The lights come up on a formless landscape; two men sit, one flipping coins into the air, the other catching them. So begins the Franklin W. Olin Players’ magnificent production of Tom Stoppard’s absurdist comedy, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead.

Most of us are familiar with Shakespeare’s Hamlet – a tale of treachery and royal intrigue which examines such themes as suicide, misogyny, and tragic uncertainty – and many of us likely remember Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, two peripheral characters who appear in three scenes, deliver a handful of lines, and are parenthetically killed off in the final act (oh yes, spoiler alert: at the end of Hamlet, EVERYONE DIES).

Continue reading

Rubber Soul (The Many Uses of Rubber Bands)

Make a motor with your Legos
Preserve the freshness of your Eggos
Shoot at strangers, start a riot
Extra fiber in your diet
Attach a cell phone to your ear
Make a marker for your beer
Stretchy leashes for your dogs
Protect your pants leg from bicycle cogs
Revamp your shoes with cheap new laces
Add some pain to your mouthful of braces
Play catch with a bouncy rubber ball
Make a net to catch your fall
Use scissors and glue to make some art
Hold things together when your life falls apart
Keep the Saran wrap on things you cook
Mark your place in your favorite book
Lace them together to make a strong cord
Keep all the things in your truck bed on board
Pass the time in any old place
Keep them around your left wrist just in case!

April Fish

Although April Fools’ day is not an official holiday, that doesn’t stop it from being celebrated all over the world. Here in America, it is a day for pulling pranks, both elaborate and simple, on friends and enemies, but other parts of the world have twists on the tradition.

In other countries, according to april-fools.us, the April Fools’ Day takes on different twists and traditions.

In Scotland, April Fools’ Day is known as Taily Day and it is dedicated to “spoofs involving the buttocks.”

In some places, like England, New Zealand, Australia and South Africa, it is considered bad luck to play pranks after noon, so all the jokes are pulled early in the day. Some newspapers in these places even have a morning “joke” edition and a serious edition that comes out in the afternoon.

In France, Italy and French Canada, along with other pranks, it is tradition to try to affix a paper fish to people without them noticing, making them “April fish.” The term also refers to the recipient of other pranks played on that day.

So where did these silly traditions come from?

While it is uncertain, they may have originated around 1582 when the Gregorian calendar was introduced and the start of the new year was moved from the week of March 25th-April 1st to January 1st.

Some people who were reluctant to follow the new calendar and were thought “foolish” by the rest of society. They often had practical jokes played on them, such as being sent on silly or impossible errands or being invited to fake parties.

People who fell for these tricks were labeled “poisson d’avril” or “April fish” because a “young, naïve fish is easily caught” which is where the tradition of the attaching a paper fish is thought to have come from.

People around carry on the tradition of elaborate pranks and silly jokes on the unwary today- so watch your back, or you might find yourself an unwitting April fish!

Olin to Set World Record!

It’s been almost a week since my friend Oren and I e-mailed our plea to all students: Please save your one-sided print jobs; we want to put them to good use! We plan to break a world record – that of the largest ‘rasterbated’ image – for an Expo project. Preparation work is nearing its conclusion. Paper collection aside, all we need to do is to scrape our team of paper caper tapers together in order to assemble our masterpiece in the week before Expo.

Continue reading