From The Spankly Freaking Team…
As a new venture for the betterment of transparency and honesty, we have independently put together the headlines of every article that was rejected from this issue of Frankly Speaking. While big Olin media can refuse to publish our stories, they cannot take away our voice…
FWOP’s Show Sadly ‘Cancelled’ All Three Weekends
“It just didn’t work out this time, sorry guys,” said FWOP
OFAC, ORBITAL, and CORe to meet with OAFA, StAR, and HB in the MAC (PARC), discussing RUOKs, CW, and ACRONYM
“Are you having a stroke?” ask all non-Oliners
ResLife To Implement New Policy: Putting You On Blast Every Time You Get Locked Out
“I’ve had too fucking much with you ungrateful assholes. You think it’s going to end here?? I got access to all-students motherfuckers, I’m going to put alllll your dirty laundry out there!” Said Patrick In A Public Statement
Outlook Calendar Looked At, Forgotten Immediately, Looked at Again
Student Presumed On Study Abroad Found After Deep Clean of West Hall Kitchen
In Shocking Power Grab, Presidential Search Committee Chooses Themselves To Be Collective Next President of Olin College
“Mwuahahaha! You fools! You didn’t think this was even an option!” They told reporters before casting a mysterious spell and disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
New Study Released, Finding That 99.75% of Oliners Have Something Lined Up For This Summer Already
Wait, are YOU the .25%? You don’t have anything?? Damn, you should feel like an imposter or something
President’s Cabinet “Ask Me Anything” Event Derailed By Student Asking ‘Incredibly Personal’ Question
Any further inquiries to the Cabinet about their favorite M&M color will result in an Honor Board
Reasoning “Ehhh I’m sure it’ll be fine”, Formula Collectively Shrugs, Selects a Toddler as Next Lead
With all junior and senior leadership stepping down, James Hartfow, 3, is left as the PM
Dang So Many Great Candidates! I Wish I Had a Way To Remember Em All!
You know, just some way to remember which ones I’ve met and their interests and stuff! Just some way to organize ’em all side by side in some easy-to-use and compact format!
4E and 2N to Enter Talks Over Central Loop Party Jurisdiction
“I will not yield an inch of ground that I believe is rightfully ours,” states Sausage Fest Party Captain. “Fuck you, we have the high ground” responded 4E
“I just don’t feel this relationship is reciprocal, I think we need a break…” Says Babo After You Heartlessly Didn’t Respond To Their 6 Calls, 15 Texts, and 27 Emails About The Guy in Parcel B
Babo Further Cited That “Roger was so sad that you didn’t even THINK to respond ‘Thanks’…”
After Two Months, Dining Hall Plate Left In MAC Stairwell Now Cultivating Richer, Healthier Culture Than Olin
Until next time. – The Spankly Freaking Team
