Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19):
Have you found yourself dreaming about your final projects? It’s probably time to take a break. Try dreaming about dreaming about your final projects instead. It’ll be so confusingly meta that your brain just might switch back to dreaming about sheep, or whatever. Your lucky numbers are 7, 45, and 81.
Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20):
Code taking a long time to run? Use that time wisely — don’t forget to let your friends know that you appreciate them by challenging them to spontaneous dance battles. Your (sentient, of course) CPU will jack up its processing speed so that the performance will just end already. (Note: this does not apply if you and your friend are good dancers, in which case a dance battle will have the opposite effect.) Your lucky numbers are 32 and 64.
Gemini (May 21 – Jun. 20):
Something goofed during course registration, and you’re now stuck in ENGR6283: Introduction to Time Travel as your only class for spring semester. That’s okay, and you’re valid! Just don’t cause any universe-ending paradoxes… Your lucky number is approximately 3*10^8.
Cancer (Jun. 21 – Jul. 22):
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT load leftover Thanksgiving mashed potatoes into the 3-D printers. (This is because mashed potatoes extruded from a 3-D printer’s nozzle are in fact the tastiest potatoes of all, and you absolutely cannot let this secret be known.) Your lucky numbers are 76, 44, and 39.
Leo (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22):
Why did the programmer mistakenly wear a Halloween costume to a Christmas party? Because Oct 31 == Dec 25! Ha ha…ha. (It’s actually because they’ve lost all sense of time and reality. Don’t be like this programmer. Can someone please tell me what year it is? That was supposed to be your lucky number…)
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sep. 22):
The approaching snow will not hurt you. Probably. Do not pay attention to the grinning teeth appearing around the O. Do not be afraid to build a figure out of snow. (Do not approach Parcel B.) (Do not look at Parcel B.) (Do not think about Parcel B.) Your lucky numbers are 0 and 1.
Libra (Sep. 23 – Oct. 22):
Yes, post-it notes count as Christmas tree ornaments. But no, constructing a Christmas tree out of obscene quantities of green post-its probably does not count as Taking Olin Home over winter break. Your lucky numbers are 3, 10, and 19.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21):
You must resist the temptation, perhaps amplified by end-of-semester stress, to doubt your capacity to induce happiness in others. Your lucky number is 1/(1 + jωRC), but I forgot the values of ω, R, and C. (If you guess the correct values, you’ll be *really* lucky.)
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21):
Turkey Day is long gone, but consider treating yourself to a nice hamburger (or whichever hamburger-equivalent suits you) during these trying times. Your lucky number is 0xDEADBEEF.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19):
As final projects approach, you may become weary of the unique scent of the woodshop. Be not deterred. Eau de Euca Board (or whatever you’re using) is a surprisingly sought-after scent outside the confines of Olin, and will grant you numerous successes. Your lucky numbers are 1.5, 3.5, and the square root of 2.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18):
I hate to break it to you, but you should really get rid of that long-dead plant that’s been sitting in your room for ages, its beige once-foliage blending in with the décor. It’s never coming back. You should really consider a succulent. Your lucky number is however many hours it took for that plant to die.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20):
In the midst of editing your NaNoWriMo novel from last month, you will realize with a start that all those typos, grammatical errors, and discontinuities are pointing towards *something*. But what? Be determined. Do not give up the fight to interpret yourself. Your lucky number is 40,001.
