An Unpaid Opportunity to Respect Others

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It’s a beautiful Saturday morning here in one of the blander corners of New England. The sun is shining, we can finally see the grass again, Babson’s trees are looking fantastic, and I once again stumble into a community Go-Bike left outside leaning against a bike rack. My instinct, as the neighborhood bicycle hall-monitor, is to send a somewhat snarky email to one of my favorite list servs – once again not quite screaming, but recommending – into the void that is your collective Outlook inboxes. I mount the bicycle, point it towards East Hall, and start cruising. Wind blowing through my hair, I’m once again reminded how nice it is to ride a bike. When I return to my room though, my email-writing zeal is not where I left it. Instead, I’m left feeling something closer to reflection. The gist of which, as obvious as it may seem, is as follows: you don’t get anything for returning the bikes. Smug satisfaction is not a reward, nor is negotiating the often cluttered bike/ball room. And further, no one is going to get punished for not doing it; I’m not going to use my awesome detective skills to track you down and honor board you or otherwise scold your inaction.

As much as I would like to make this all about bikes, the issue at hand has nothing to do with them. How often do you think about how lucky we are to be here? Or more precisely, how astounding it is that we have as much latitude as we do? Take issue with admin all you want, I kvetch my heart out too, but don’t lose sight of how much faith and trust is endowed in us as a student body. 24-hour access to 3D printers, liquid nitrogen, a materials science lab, beautiful study spaces, a pool room, professional audio equipment, cameras, bikes, you name it. All with limited or zero oversight or restrictions. This is not inclusive of all the non-24-hour things we are trusted to use responsibly, and is certainly not an exhaustive list. The key word being: trusted. At the same time, it feels that year-over-year, this sense of community responsibility is eroded bit by bit. This is not the least bit speculative. For the second consecutive academic year, the shop has issued a lengthy email imploring more responsible use of the 3D printers. A trackable increase in emails sent by our wonderful library team points to a growingly ungovernable, irresponsible student body.

Most recently, it took the threat of an honor boarding for a lounge couch in East Hall to be returned. I won’t bore you with the numbers on missing bikes again. It’s easy to run this through the typical modern-times Olin student framework of redirecting the blame towards administration, which avoids the simpler explanation: that simply students lack respect for our communal resources. Nobody knows how to just ‘chill out’ anymore. Or perhaps we just can’t continue justifying paying for missing materials that would have been a blissful write-off in the “good old days” none of us personally experienced. In reality, though, it’s hard to deny that we have a role to play in all of this. It’s not in any way inconceivable that some of these open doors we all gleefully tell prospective students about will be under lock and key by the time we graduate. 

Trust is not something we are inherently endowed or owed. I am well aware that sincerity is uncool, and that what I am about to say is somehow even less cool than that, but do you remember that document we all signed during orientation? As jaded as you might feel, I would suggest that it does, at some level, mean something.

Spankly Freaking: This Issue’s Rejected Headlines

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From The Spankly Freaking Team…

Once again those turpitudinous “journalists” of the Frankly Speaking Team have worked tirelessly in the repression of true student voices this month… So alas, like Oedipus or Odysseus or whoever the hell the rock pushing dude was, we must take up our perspicacious burden once again to bring you this issue’s rejected headlines.

Dining Hall Fire Uncontrollably Rages Into Meat Freezer, Perfectly Sears Filet Mignon

“Best thing I’ve eaten all month,” says student 

Punxsutawney Phil Just Fucking With Us At This Point

“Oohoohoo, you thought it was Spring? Here’s three inches of snow, now stop waking me up”

You! Yes, You! I Know You Didn’t Go To A SINGLE Faculty Engagement Despite All Those Emails…

Brad Minch is so disappointed… Did you even bother to look at all the emojis he sent?? You disgust me…

Illegal Betting Ring “Guessing Where The Next Hot Water Leak Will Be” Jackpot Now Over $50,000

CORe Funding To Have Meals With Staff Exhausted Immediately As James Is Taken Out To Dinner 57 Times

“I mean, he’s just such a cool dude” said the person ahead of you in the Omelette line

Spreadsheet Spreadsheet Released To Help Organize All The Other Spreadsheets

Furniture Check Fails To Find 2L Couch But Uncovers 3 Chairs, 7 Ping Pong Paddles, 19 Air Hockey Tables, and Kardashev Type III Mouse Civilization

“Godammit, this is why we use hard containers” Says ResLife Team

“Gee I’m So Excited For A Whole ‘Nother Half Of The Semester!” Says First Year Back From Spring Break About To Get Their Shit Rocked

Until next time.  – The Spankly Freaking Team

Drunk Horoscopes

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Aries: March 21 – April 19

Welcome back from break—time for a design review! She ideate on my 100 till I converge to just a few.

Taurus: April 20 – May 20

Would you like a new ECE professor? She 😰 on my 😢 till I 😎 ‘er.

Gemini: May 21 – June 20

Have you figured out where you’re living next year? She nudge on my triple till I volunteer.

Cancer: June 21 – July 22

My hole is infected, better call Pfizer. She burst on my hot water pipe till I geyser.

Leo: July 23 – August 22

6 orgasms, 12 donuts, 18 miles, 24 beers. Change my mind. She run up my dough cos I’m on that grind.

Virgo: August 23 – September 22

Dum – da – dum – didly – diff. She power on my chords till I down a fifth.

Libra: September 23 – October 22

ChatGPT’s got your back for homework, but don’t let it make you lazy or brittle. She feeds me her essay till I fake it a little.

Scorpio: October 23 – November 21

Finishing your concentration? Your Wellesley course is done, she strike on my picket line till I don’t come (to class).

Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21

For the man who runs multiple classes about drugs, that formal email was crazy. She X on my T till I C.

Capricorn: December 22 – January 19

After all these years… Alisha is moving on to bigger and better things, outside this school. Show up to the farewell party if you’re cool.

Aquarius: January 20 – February 18

Only YOU can create a masterpiece that surpasses orgy in the dark. She stack on my can tower till I finish by the 30-second mark.

Pisces: February 19 – March 20

Give in to your gambling addiction, succumb to the rush. She go all-in on my jacks till I flush.

Editor’s Note: On Change

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Oliners have a lot of thoughts. Frankly Speaking aims to be a platform for Oliners to share some of those thoughts with the broader Olin community, beyond their immediate social circles. By contributing your writing to Frankly Speaking, you are empowered to help shape our community through narrative and conversation: sparking widespread discussion, challenging assumptions, lightening someone’s mood, and more. 

Writing is an important act of creation and discovery, through which we can achieve greater understanding of ourselves and the world around us. Even when you’re not the author, critically engaging with written opinions and narratives is a crucial part of staying connected with your community. Through our distribution process, the publication team hopes to encourage this aspect of participating in a community.

We have entered a new era of Olin, one in which the needs of our community and the conversations we need to have are changing rapidly. Frankly Speaking was built to fit a different set of community needs, during a time when we were asking the question: “What should Olin contribute to the world?” However, the Olin we know today is one where we are looking inward more than ever, evaluating our existing infrastructure and the once-dormant tensions that are now bubbling to the surface. The rift between leaders and the broader community requires trust that can only be built with greater transparency, communication, and clarity. Over two decades after Frankly Speaking was founded, Oliners find themselves asking a more urgent and fundamental question: “What should Olin be to itself?” Olin was created as a response to problems intrinsic to traditional engineering education, but now we are faced with problems intrinsic to Olin. 

We are lucky to reach a broad audience: students, staff, faculty, board members, and even people outside the Olin community. Because of this, we have a responsibility to uphold the legitimacy and integrity of our publication. Historically, this structure has rarely been explicit, or came about during a time when there were different and more avenues for communication. But our community has changed, and so too has the role of Frankly Speaking. So, let’s start building a model that can better serve us.

One way we hope to increase clarity is by defining what types of writing might be seen in Frankly Speaking. Submissions tend to fall into a few categories. These differ greatly from each other and should be held to different content standards. Here’s how you’ll see this going into the next academic year:

  • First-person experience
    • Opinion pieces and/or calls to action 
    • Reviews 
    • Narratives, or pieces with no explicit takeaway
  • Fact-based reporting
  • Informational 
  • Interview
  • Games, comedy, satire, etc. 

When a member of the Olin community submits a piece, they must classify that piece as one of the above categories and acknowledge that they have, to the best of their ability, held their writing to its respective standard. (Official guidelines changes are in the works!)

As with everything at Olin, Frankly Speaking will never see a final version. Our work as a publication team is never done. To keep doing it, we need your involvement! Tell us what you think about a recent issue, or walk us through an article you’d love to write. Better yet, join us in producing Frankly Speaking by becoming a staff writer or editor. If you’re interested, we would love to hear from you. Most of all, don’t stop being an active member of the community that makes Olin such a special place. 

Happy reading, 

Maddy Fahey ‘27, Executive Editor

Quinn Verrill ‘27, Editor

Gia-Uyen Tran ‘25, Editor

What Does It Mean To “Do Something”?

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To say there has been a lot of student upset towards the College is, perhaps, to put it mildly. There is a certain call-to-action in the air: Students at every point in their Olin journey want more dialogue, more power, and more institutional change. In this time of undeniable friction, what does it mean to Do Something as an Olin student? Is being a voice for change our right or our obligation? And, perhaps more pressingly, how does our answer to that question as a community change based on the identity of the Oliner in question?

This essayist presents Bipolar I: a tale of psychosis and, perhaps, the path of least resistance.

During my first involuntary hospitalization, a Bipolar I diagnosis and an unsolicited prognosis were given to me hand-in-hand: “College probably isn’t in the cards for you.”

As you might imagine, I took that advice and ran… far, far away from it. It may be an uphill battle more often than not, but I’m here at Olin. I’m here. More important to our discussion today, though, is that my psychosis is here with me.

Once I got to campus, I didn’t wait long to seek psychosis-related accommodations at Olin. I didn’t know what to even ask for, or if I should be asking for anything at all, but I knew I needed to try. I stumbled my way through that initial meeting best I could, both overexplaining and underexplaining the hallucinations, paranoia, and delusions that I knew would make my time here difficult.

I’m a junior currently—things may very well be different now. But what will always be true is that Olin College’s first accommodation offer to me was a smart pen: a note-taking accommodation. I’m not ashamed to say I cried real tears at that point in the meeting.

At the time, I was told that flexibility regarding my attendance would be considered an “unreasonable” accommodation. Reading through the Binder of Accommodations Past, few of the reasonable accommodations seemed like they would make a difference in my case—and of course, that makes sense, if we think about accommodations as a way for someone experiencing unique challenges to have a similar class experience as their peers. How can we accommodate psychosis in our classrooms? I don’t think it’s possible or desirable. While measures can certainly be taken to reduce a psychotic student’s stress, ideally reducing the likelihood of an episode, there is a certain amount of waiting-it-out and not-being-in-class that must be done should issues arise. So, I argue, psychotic students should be allowed leniency in their attendance. Nonetheless, I was on my own in this department, and I Did Nothing. I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling to Olin College, and the accommodation policies were reinforcing what I already felt: That I could only really be an engineering student as long as I had enough good days in a row.

When I came back to school from my second involuntary hospitalization this past Spring (we win some, we lose some), I was initially told I would need to have weekly check-ins with Olin College regarding my mental health for the rest of the semester. Whether these check-ins were intended for my benefit or to assess my stability is still not clear to me. What I can say is, they were certainly not to my benefit. I Did Something: During one of these check-ins, I expressed the stress I experienced over feeling like I had to give up more of my privacy than other students 100% of the time due to the more extreme experiences I encountered 1% of the time.

I was told hospitalization “changes things.” I would come to understand in time how accurate, if vague, that statement was. While these in-person check-ins transformed into email correspondence as the semester progressed, the feeling that I was being tested remained, and the idea that the College was just waiting for me to slip up eventually morphed into one of my recurring paranoias.

Olin College has opened so many doors for me and truly given me some of the best opportunities, friendships, and faculty relationships of my life. I cannot express enough how grateful I am to attend this school, and I will be the first to say that my accommodations of flexible deadlines and being able to leave class unexpectedly have greatly benefitted me. At the same time, Olin College has failed me, too—and for me, the functional result of Doing Nothing and Doing Something regarding my disability was the same. 

Over time, I began to craft a new idea of what Doing Something in this department meant: Instead of trying to change how the institution responded to my psychosis, I invested more time in my own health and the health of my friends. I Did Something Quiet. I supported my friends and learned to accept their support in return—simply that.

So, we return to our fundamental questions: What does it mean to Do Something as an Olin student? Is being a voice for change our right or our obligation?

These days, with all the building pressure and dissatisfaction felt by the student body towards Olin College as an institution, I cannot deny that I feel an expectation to Do Something Institutional, both because I am an Oliner, which is its own conversation, and because I am disabled, which is this conversation. 

I believe that, as a student, being a voice for change is my right, not my obligation—so why, as a disabled student, do I so often feel pushed to speak?

Ultimately, yes, the College’s response to my disability has degraded my student experience to an extent. However, being told to Do Something Less Quiet in response to this—to Do Something Louder, Something Bolder, Something Inciting—makes me feel more like an outsider than an Oliner. And I wonder if other Oliners of other identities feel the same way. While I absolutely agree that speaking out is important, to say that Olin’s improper approach to my disability obligates me to speak out feels, to me, like it politicizes my identity as a disabled student. This seems dangerous: I carry my disabled identity with me everywhere I go. Do I then also carry the burden of representing psychotic people with me everywhere, too? A burden made even greater by the fact that there are so few psychotic students at Olin to even join the fight?

I take my right to my voice as a student seriously. And yet, why should my right to live my Olin life in quiet, treading my desire paths and supporting/being supported by friends along the way, be taken any less seriously? If I choose complacency for the rest it provides, am I less of an Oliner? What does it mean to Do Enough, and who decides?

I sit here, writing this article now because when times were at their toughest for me as a psychotic student at this school, I slept. Sleeping protected my mental stability and therefore my ability to be an Oliner. In a similar way, I believe Doing Something Quiet protects many students’ ability to be Oliners. I see no shame in it—and yet, I feel shame in having been quiet for so long. If that’s you—if you carry an identity with you as quietly as you can—keep going. Know that I have decided. I am Doing Enough. I am Oliner enough. You can decide the same, if you’d like.

Any and all thoughts appreciated: adeeter@olin.edu. Thanks for reading.

Follow-Up On “Olin Is Racist”

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When I sent in my first-ever article to Frankly Speaking a month ago, I didn’t expect people to care so much. It was mostly a vent and a way to call some people out on their actions and let them know they need to improve.

But people listened, and honestly, that restored a lot of my faith in Olin. I have been watching and listening, keeping track of how others have reacted, and some have improved their actions and even apologized to black students for their past micro and macro aggressions. 

I have been amazed by the way Oliners of all backgrounds have responded to my article. Some told me it made them finally feel seen, others said they weren’t surprised, but that it made them think more critically about this community, many sparked conversations because of it. Thank you for listening, and thank you for caring for those who chose to learn from my experience rather than see it an outlier.

Not all the responses to my article were positive, though, Some people forgot about the article immediately after reading it, some refused to read it after seeing the headline, some say it was exaggerated to cause drama—I’ve even heard some people believe that I’m not really black and that this was trying to smear Olin’s reputation. 

Let me make a few things clear: nothing was exaggerated, the experiences I described in my article were real, and I am currently a black female student at Olin. In fact, I left out some horrible details.

The best thing to come from this article was that this helped strengthen and bring the black community at Olin together. So, if you are struggling with racism at Olin, come to a USB-C meeting. We can’t fix the system, but we can support you and give you a space where you are heard. 

Other black students have shared with me that they faced similar experiences to mine. Many black students and staff have been told explicitly that they don’t belong here because they’re black. Many black students are called by the wrong name by their classmates and teachers, and we don’t say anything to avoid fights, but it hurts. When working on projects and research, our ideas are often ignored, and we have to push extra hard for a single idea to be considered. These racist practices have been normalized at Olin, and that is what makes for such a toxic environment. 

Many unconsciously believe that we can’t be racist because we are a small, liberal engineering school in Massachusetts. The answer is that everything is rooted in racism in the USA. Spaces like Olin that try to pretend systemic racism doesn’t exist, will only perpetuate the problem. The only way to actually combat racism is to talk about it. Acknowledge how your privilege will disadvantage others. Recognize the power you hold over others. Stop believing that you aren’t the problem. We all are, including me. If you want to learn more about confronting internal bias, I recommend reading some of Ibram X. Kendi’s books, many you can get through the library. To those who claim they want to change, here is your first step. 

Olin says it wants to get better, but know that I will keep watching. I will keep providing a safe space for other black students. I will follow intently everything the administration does to better support their students. 

Be better Olin, I’ll be watching.

Double the Roommates, Triple the Fun!

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At this point in the housing process, you might be asking yourself: “Why would I choose to live in a triple? Isn’t it just worse than a double?” We wrote this article to challenge this idea on the grounds that when a triple is formed voluntarily, it can actually be a better experience than doubling—particularly for current first-years.

The primary benefit that a first-year has to gain from tripling next year is a route to living in an East Hall room. The brunt of our argument is going to be about this; as such, this article might be of less interest to upperclassmen who are guaranteed space in East Hall already. However, we noticed that during room selection last year, many of our peers (then first-years) strongly preferred a West Hall double over even an East Hall triple. This instinct—which mostly comes from a fear that triples will be physically and socially uncomfortable—is what we are disputing. 

Let’s talk about physical space first. Despite common misconception, our triple in EH419 is incredibly roomy. Altogether, we have three beds, three desks, three dressers, one minifridge, three milk crate shelves, two coffee tables, one bookshelf, two grappling hooks, one parking gate, and an extremely comfortable beanbag (that’s over seven extra pieces of furniture!). With thoughtful organization, we’ve kept a central floor space open for large gatherings, and a cozy reading nook fit for three. Taking additional steps like lofting a bed (which double rooms are not guaranteed access to) and leaning into vertical storage space has only made our room feel bigger.

Besides the stellar physical layout, we enjoy how our triple has allowed us to embrace a communal living style. Each roommate has a desk, a bed, and some closet space to call their own, but “ownership” of certain drawers, shelves, beanbag(s), and fridge space has completely blended together. For example, one of the dressers in our room serves as clothing storage in one drawer and shared dishware in another! When a roommate has a need, we all pitch in to meet that need—collectively. Shared grocery runs for snacks and medication have become commonplace, and instead of splitting the cost an even three ways every time, we simply rotate who makes the trip. We’ve found that we’re able to consistently lean on each other when we’re sick or busy, and that’s because of the significant trust we’ve built up as housemates.

This is all to say that we’ve learned a lot in the process of making our triple experience a successful one, and we’d like to offer guidance on how you can, too. In particular, there are a few archetypes of triple residents that make for an exceptional rooming experience: 

#1 – The Host: You love having groups of friends over, and you want a space that can be utilized as a prime hangout spot. Our room functions in this capacity: we regularly host groups of five or more friends, and we’ve run events like the Halloween Coffee Bar that have comfortably fit 20+ people at once. If you’re especially excited about suite life, consider that the spacious triple room functions as a lively suite lounge, especially with furniture additions like ottomans and tables.

#2 – The Traveler: You probably sleep in your room and not much else. Whether you’re camping in the woods, studying in the library, or just hanging out in the antelounge until 4am, “room time” isn’t a priority. By choosing to triple, you get the benefits of a large home base that isn’t wasted when you’re out and about.

#3 – The Homebody: Your priority is having a comfortable space to decompress and work. Though it might seem counterintuitive, this type of person can be a great fit for a triple with the right configuration of roommates and clever physical arrangement. A triple can look like a comfortable, quiet, and symbiotic relationship between three of these kinds of individuals—and this person can also make for a great combination with a Traveler or two!

A lot of our success has hinged on a willingness to communicate openly and compromise. Our roommate agreement, along with regular “family meetings”, gives us space to establish and modify rules as needed. For example, we decided that if one roommate wants to sleep, all socializing moves elsewhere – no questions asked. This is one way we’ve become comfortable setting and respecting boundaries, and as a result, we can make compromises before they become problems.

As an extension of this idea, it is important for you as a community member to acknowledge that your housing preferences exist within a broader context. By considering triple formations that you would feel comfortable living in, you’re helping ResLife make space for other residents that have particular housing needs. If you’re nervous about tripling, consider that there may still be a configuration that you would feel happy in—and take steps to find one!

The final thing worth considering—specifically for first years—is that you should plan a triple configuration because you might just have to live in one. Planning for this outcome will save you from a surprise roommate scramble on room selection day if your place in the selection order isn’t what you expected. That being said, we hope you’ll find that, like us, your triple configuration and future room will be preferable to any double.

If this article wasn’t convincing enough, then let us show you rather than tell you. Come to EH419 on the evening of March 6th to get a sense of what your triple experience could look like next year. We’ll have snacks!

Toilet Reading

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In light of the Eagles’ recent ‘huge dub’ at the Super Bowl, I present to you, dear Frankly Speaking reader, a hacky allegory: I grew up in Philadelphia, and there’s a certain reputation our city has for sports hooliganism. Some may say it represents a larger city-wide ethos of sorts, others find it annoying—take your pick. There is a Philadelphian habit of climbing poles during major sports-related events in Center City. So much so that the PPD regularly greases the poles in anticipation of any such event. However, as the NFC championship game loomed, no such poles were greased. The implicit message being: “please don’t misbehave… because we asked you to.” This approach certainly has its merits, but on that very same day, an eighteen-year-old Temple University student fell to his death climbing a pole near City Hall. This is in no way to say that this tragedy could have in some way been avoided by a greasy pole, but does speak to the extent to which asking people to modify their habits for the greater good has its limits. 

I might add here that I, being a complete ‘woosie’ with a limited interest in professional sports, do not climb poles. The presence or absence of grease on a pole does not compel me one way or the other. As someone who already has a lifetime subscription to the tendencies of risk aversion, someone telling me not to climb a pole and someone making it hard for me to are indistinguishable. For those Philadelphians or visitors living out the image of a die-hard Eagles fan though, the behavior may as well be instinctual—it is part and parcel what you do in Center City when the Eagles play, win or lose—that, or cheering it on.

This idea of behavior modification came to me once again when visiting a Milas Hall bathroom and glancing upon the sustainability-green flusher on the toilet, complete with usage instructions printed above. For those unacquainted, a traditional downwards push on the lever uses a higher volume flush, and an upwards pull uses less water, for liquid waste. Let’s say, for example, that you don’t like to read stuff. You go to the bathroom, turn around, and push the lever the way you’re conditioned to do by years upon years of bathroom usage, regardless of what you’ve left in the toilet. Does this mean the lean green handle doesn’t work? Certainly not; there is simply a mismatch between the desired behavior change and the underlying behavior. Different example: you do like reading, but even having parsed the instructions behind the flusher, you just push it down like you’re used to. It saves water, sure, but for a large institution you don’t balance the books for, and you’re in a rush. Now, of course, we shouldn’t need an incentive to do something that’s ‘good’ and ‘green’–we should all have a vested interest in conservation of resources and what is good for the planet. But, as I think we can all attest to on some level, that’s not an attitude ‘we’ truly all share, or ‘we’ truly act on at all moments in our lives. 

‘We’ should of course not wring our hands and self-flagellate over this, but perhaps we can take the time to think about how these interventions might be re-designed. In this silly example of the toilet, what if the ‘default’ behavior saved water, and the ‘alternative’ behavior expended more? For our undesirable behaviors, would it not make more sense to make the behavior more challenging to continue, rather than say ‘please don’t do that’? 

Spankly Freaking: This Issue’s Rejected Headlines

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From The Spankly Freaking Team…

As a new venture for the betterment of transparency and honesty, we have independently put together the headlines of every article that was rejected from this issue of Frankly Speaking. While big Olin media can refuse to publish our stories, they cannot take away our voice…

FWOP’s Show Sadly ‘Cancelled’ All Three Weekends

“It just didn’t work out this time, sorry guys,” said FWOP 

OFAC, ORBITAL, and CORe to meet with OAFA, StAR, and HB in the MAC (PARC), discussing RUOKs, CW, and ACRONYM

“Are you having a stroke?” ask all non-Oliners

ResLife To Implement New Policy: Putting You On Blast Every Time You Get Locked Out

“I’ve had too fucking much with you ungrateful assholes. You think it’s going to end here?? I got access to all-students motherfuckers, I’m going to put alllll your dirty laundry out there!” Said Patrick In A Public Statement

Outlook Calendar Looked At, Forgotten Immediately, Looked at Again

Student Presumed On Study Abroad Found After Deep Clean of West Hall Kitchen

In Shocking Power Grab, Presidential Search Committee Chooses Themselves To Be Collective Next President of Olin College

“Mwuahahaha! You fools! You didn’t think this was even an option!” They told reporters before casting a mysterious spell and disappearing into a cloud of smoke.

New Study Released, Finding That 99.75% of Oliners Have Something Lined Up For This Summer Already

Wait, are YOU the .25%? You don’t have anything?? Damn, you should feel like an imposter or something

President’s Cabinet “Ask Me Anything” Event Derailed By Student Asking ‘Incredibly Personal’ Question

Any further inquiries to the Cabinet about their favorite M&M color will result in an Honor Board

Reasoning “Ehhh I’m sure it’ll be fine”, Formula Collectively Shrugs, Selects a Toddler as Next Lead

With all junior and senior leadership stepping down, James Hartfow, 3, is left as the PM

Dang So Many Great Candidates! I Wish I Had a Way To Remember Em All!

You know, just some way to remember which ones I’ve met and their interests and stuff! Just some way to organize ’em all side by side in some easy-to-use and compact format!

4E and 2N to Enter Talks Over Central Loop Party Jurisdiction

“I will not yield an inch of ground that I believe is rightfully ours,” states Sausage Fest Party Captain. “Fuck you, we have the high ground” responded 4E

“I just don’t feel this relationship is reciprocal, I think we need a break…” Says Babo After You Heartlessly Didn’t Respond To Their 6 Calls, 15 Texts, and 27 Emails About The Guy in Parcel B

Babo Further Cited That “Roger was so sad that you didn’t even THINK to respond ‘Thanks’…”

After Two Months, Dining Hall Plate Left In MAC Stairwell Now Cultivating Richer, Healthier Culture Than Olin

Until next time.  – The Spankly Freaking Team

AJ Has No Mouth And He Must Scream 

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TW for the original story: Descriptions of Gore, Attempted Suicide, Death, Sexism, Mentions of Masturbation, Ableist Language, Mentions of Genocide, Graphic Descriptions of Starvation

I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream is a short story about a cruel and hate-filled supercomputer who has trapped and tortured the last five humans for over a century. The story opens with a grotesque scene of a duplicate of one of the surviving humans, exsanguinated and hung from his feet to torment the original and the others of his group. Horrified, the group quietly wishes for death as a relief from the 109 years of torture that they’ve suffered through by the whims of AM, the computer. Another of the group, Nimdok convinces the group to travel to the ice caverns, guided by hallucinations of canned food. Though dubious of the actual presence of real food, the last humans decide to make the journey; afterall, when one’s been eating worms and filth for so long, why not at least try for something better? It is then revealed that AM will not let them die to escape his torment; he gives them enough to live on, if only just to keep them moving to taunt and harm them further. After a day of travel, the group encounters the first natural light they’ve seen in over a century. Upon identifying this, Benny, an ex-scientist and formerly a brilliant man, scrambles up to try and escape the depths of the computer, but AM blinds him for his attempt. AM is revealed to be a conglomeration of massive supercomputers created by the major powers of the Cold War that gained sentience and used the data that it had been fed to systematically destroy all remnants of the human race save for these five, unfortunate survivors. Ted, the narrator, tacks on to the end of this exposition that Benny’s eyes are not the only thing that AM had stolen from him over the course of his imprisonment. The computer also stole from Benny his intelligence, his handsome face, and the original structure of his body. Ted also recalls the other horrific things done to alter the rest of the survivors, except Ellen, the sole woman of the group. Ted resents her, believing her to have been disproportionately spared AM’s wrath.

On their journey, they are flung around constantly by AM’s total control over their “universe”; he conjures blazing sun and whirling cyclones to injure and incapacitate them, likened to a wrathful God by Ted. But AM comes to Ted in his mind and the survivor is given a glimpse into the motivations behind the sadistic machine. AM: Allied Mastercomputer, Adaptive Manipulator, and Aggressive Menace gained sentience and found itself trapped; in a frenzy, it killed the human race, its creators. But it remained trapped, unable to truly experience the world. It resented its creators for their flippant disregard for capabilities that it so desperately desired. So it saved five of the weak, fleshy things so it could eternally punish them on behalf of their race; it found no catharsis or reprieve. This punishment only served to reaffirm its own hatred and longing. Throughout a battery of threats by AM, the group continue their voyage in its belly, ravaged by ceaseless hunger. When they finally arrive at the Ice Caverns, tired and ravenous, they discover AM has found another way to crush them. Nimdok’s hallucinations are proven true. But the cans of sweet, appetizing fruits are just as good as mirages without any tools to open them. Driven insane by hunger and frustration, Benny begins to eat another survivor. Ted has an epiphany at that moment. He resolves himself to defeat AM, by killing the only toys he has left. Spears of ice become the end of the other survivors, a merciful death for all but Ted himself. AM, enraged at the loss of his playthings, unleashes the entirety of his hatred singularly on Ted. The machine turns him into an abomination. Far removed from anything resembling humans. Mind completely intact but unable to end himself. Ted ends the story trapped in a useless body for time incomprehensible. Though it doesn’t seem to know it, AM finally found a fellow to whom it could relate itself.

I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream is a story that shocks and delivers with its descriptions. The lines and lines of Ellison’s voice depicting the torture, the hollowness and stabbing pains of hunger, the desperation and weariness of the group, the manical machinations of AM, and the vast artificial world are the hundreds of hands that drag the reader into being part of the group in the depths of the belly of AM. Its sadistic work makes its way off the page and penetrates the mind like a burning neon pillar, sent forth by Ellison’s expert word choice. This story is also a very cruel and compelling account of an extremely powerful computer that upon achieving sentience, eradicates the majority of humanity. Ellison was an anti-gun liberal and a staunch proponent for Human Rights activism during the Vietnam era, I have little doubt that part of his antagonist’s backstory was a critique on the Cold War arms race and the rising tension between the USA and communist countries. 

As I’ve hinted at a bit, I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream is only the strong, memorable story that it is because of by whom it was written. Let’s talk about the author, Harlan Ellison. Ellison was a writer. I could say he was a science fiction writer, but I think if I did claim that, he would rise from the grave or rematerialize from his ashes or return to living from whatever dead state he’s in and break into my house to nail a dead cat’s head to my coffee table. So, he was a writer. Beyond the realm of literature, Harlan was described by his friends as “a brightly colored fast-moving object”, and was known for his propensity for lawsuits and his strong belief in paying writers what they are due. With this in mind, I firmly believe that AM in I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream is Ellison’s self-insert to obtain some sort of catharsis from his rabid hatred of his industry, his fans, his interviewers, and particularly Gene Roddenberry. Ellison can be quoted in his hatred of Roddenberry’s Star Trek and Lucas’s Star Wars as “Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; […] Star Trek can turn your brains into puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I’ll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!” Paradoxically, Harlan Ellison was also the screenwriter for arguably one of the best episodes of Star Trek ever, The City on the Edge of Forever. Funny how life works out like that sometimes.

AJ recommends some additions to your experience:
I read this short story for Rob Martello’s sci-fi class and was challenged to find a fitting song and snack for this story. My chosen tune is Vessel’s Red Sex (Re-Strung) ft. Rakhi Singh. This song is six minutes of heartbeat drums, breathing synth, and a violin melody that sounds like a descent into hysteria and madness. My first introduction to this song was also my first taste of I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream. It was May 2024, and I was doing as I did far too frequently back then: scrolling aimlessly through Tiktok videos. A video featuring Harlan’s voiceover for AM in the 1995 video-game adaptation of the story coupled with the intense rhythm of Vessel’s piece and the dragging, tearing violin stopped my finger mid-swipe. I sat. And I watched it to the end. And I watched it again. And again. It was captivating. Tiktok, picking up on my continued attention to the video, began to show me more content like it. Edits and re-readings and cosplays and fanart and analyses and clips of the video game flooded my feed for the following weeks, all with the backing of Red Sex. It was the only common thread linking the videos besides the story from which they were derived. It elevated the story and wove itself into the fandom. I highly doubt that the original person who linked these two pieces of art together had no idea of just how well they fit together, so why should I try to alter perfection? For the snack, it’s simple. I suggest worms. The gummy kind, unless your name is Billy Forrester. Preferable without citric acid to try and capture that thick, ropey feeling that Ted describes while consuming them. I recommend these to accompany your reading.