Drunk Horoscopes

Aries: March 21 – April 19

Welcome back from break—time for a design review! She ideate on my 100 till I converge to just a few.

Taurus: April 20 – May 20

Would you like a new ECE professor? She 😰 on my 😢 till I 😎 ‘er.

Gemini: May 21 – June 20

Have you figured out where you’re living next year? She nudge on my triple till I volunteer.

Cancer: June 21 – July 22

My hole is infected, better call Pfizer. She burst on my hot water pipe till I geyser.

Leo: July 23 – August 22

6 orgasms, 12 donuts, 18 miles, 24 beers. Change my mind. She run up my dough cos I’m on that grind.

Virgo: August 23 – September 22

Dum – da – dum – didly – diff. She power on my chords till I down a fifth.

Libra: September 23 – October 22

ChatGPT’s got your back for homework, but don’t let it make you lazy or brittle. She feeds me her essay till I fake it a little.

Scorpio: October 23 – November 21

Finishing your concentration? Your Wellesley course is done, she strike on my picket line till I don’t come (to class).

Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21

For the man who runs multiple classes about drugs, that formal email was crazy. She X on my T till I C.

Capricorn: December 22 – January 19

After all these years… Alisha is moving on to bigger and better things, outside this school. Show up to the farewell party if you’re cool.

Aquarius: January 20 – February 18

Only YOU can create a masterpiece that surpasses orgy in the dark. She stack on my can tower till I finish by the 30-second mark.

Pisces: February 19 – March 20

Give in to your gambling addiction, succumb to the rush. She go all-in on my jacks till I flush.

Editor’s Note: On Change

Oliners have a lot of thoughts. Frankly Speaking aims to be a platform for Oliners to share some of those thoughts with the broader Olin community, beyond their immediate social circles. By contributing your writing to Frankly Speaking, you are empowered to help shape our community through narrative and conversation: sparking widespread discussion, challenging assumptions, lightening someone’s mood, and more. 

Writing is an important act of creation and discovery, through which we can achieve greater understanding of ourselves and the world around us. Even when you’re not the author, critically engaging with written opinions and narratives is a crucial part of staying connected with your community. Through our distribution process, the publication team hopes to encourage this aspect of participating in a community.

We have entered a new era of Olin, one in which the needs of our community and the conversations we need to have are changing rapidly. Frankly Speaking was built to fit a different set of community needs, during a time when we were asking the question: “What should Olin contribute to the world?” However, the Olin we know today is one where we are looking inward more than ever, evaluating our existing infrastructure and the once-dormant tensions that are now bubbling to the surface. The rift between leaders and the broader community requires trust that can only be built with greater transparency, communication, and clarity. Over two decades after Frankly Speaking was founded, Oliners find themselves asking a more urgent and fundamental question: “What should Olin be to itself?” Olin was created as a response to problems intrinsic to traditional engineering education, but now we are faced with problems intrinsic to Olin. 

We are lucky to reach a broad audience: students, staff, faculty, board members, and even people outside the Olin community. Because of this, we have a responsibility to uphold the legitimacy and integrity of our publication. Historically, this structure has rarely been explicit, or came about during a time when there were different and more avenues for communication. But our community has changed, and so too has the role of Frankly Speaking. So, let’s start building a model that can better serve us.

One way we hope to increase clarity is by defining what types of writing might be seen in Frankly Speaking. Submissions tend to fall into a few categories. These differ greatly from each other and should be held to different content standards. Here’s how you’ll see this going into the next academic year:

  • First-person experience
    • Opinion pieces and/or calls to action 
    • Reviews 
    • Narratives, or pieces with no explicit takeaway
  • Fact-based reporting
  • Informational 
  • Interview
  • Games, comedy, satire, etc. 

When a member of the Olin community submits a piece, they must classify that piece as one of the above categories and acknowledge that they have, to the best of their ability, held their writing to its respective standard. (Official guidelines changes are in the works!)

As with everything at Olin, Frankly Speaking will never see a final version. Our work as a publication team is never done. To keep doing it, we need your involvement! Tell us what you think about a recent issue, or walk us through an article you’d love to write. Better yet, join us in producing Frankly Speaking by becoming a staff writer or editor. If you’re interested, we would love to hear from you. Most of all, don’t stop being an active member of the community that makes Olin such a special place. 

Happy reading, 

Maddy Fahey ‘27, Executive Editor

Quinn Verrill ‘27, Editor

Gia-Uyen Tran ‘25, Editor

Drunk Horoscopes

Aries: March 21 – April 19

New Year’s Resolutions? Sorry the LGRAC is so crowded. More like New Year’s Revolutions. What’s your RPM bro?

Taurus: April 20 – May 20

Have you heard about Project 2025? At least they have a plan. That’s more than we can say for Olin.

Gemini: May 21 – June 20

Trump said our sex is assigned at contraception, so everyone is a condom now. drill baby drill.

Cancer: June 21 – July 22

As a country, we are making such great strides towards a racially diverse society. The richest African-American man is white. We did nazi that coming. 

Leo: July 23 – August 22

Do you have an internship for the summer? Try the tried-and-true strategy: Live Laugh Lockheed. God knows they’ve sent enough emails. 

Virgo: August 23 – September 22

If they get to storm the capitol, we should be allowed to storm the Hot Topic at Natick Mall. Happy 4 year anniversary! Would you like to get a choker?

Libra: September 23 – October 22

What if Olin took over Canada? What if Olin took over Greenland? Dave Barrett’s pool has now expanded to the Panama Canal, and North Hall is on the coast of the Gulf of Gilda.

Scorpio: October 23 – November 21

Oliners need to stop whining, start boxed wine-ing instead. Have they tried Nighthawk Lush Pinot Noir? Tastes a lot better than powdered eggs. 

Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21

Time to bring joy! Wanna hang out with life-sized Tim Sauder? Or throw snowballs at the Californian first year who only wears shorts? 

Capricorn: December 22 – January 19

Have you ever considered writing a Frankly Speaking article? There’s about a 50% chance it ends up online. Hundreds of alumni probably agree with you. 

Aquarius: January 20 – February 18

Get ready for Valentine’s Day! Enjoy a wonderful evening full of ESA, SoftDes, and tears. Love letter? More like RUOK letter.

Pisces: February 19 – March 20

Have you considered being a whore? I heard the job market is tough right now. You might need more options. There’s a stripper pole in the 2N closet. 

Notice re: Volume 17, Issue 3

This article has been removed from the Frankly Speaking website at the request of the President of Olin College. The publication team would like to further clarify the circumstances of this removal. 

Why did we choose to publish the article “I Still Believe in Olin”? 

We want to remind our readers that Frankly Speaking does not endorse the opinions expressed in any particular article. We are dedicated to sharing all perspectives of the Olin community, including and especially those that highlight difficult issues that affect the college at large. We believed that the article would spark important conversation among students, staff, faculty, and administration. The inclusion of anonymous sources in this article was a deliberate decision made to protect vulnerable parties from retaliation. 

Why did we take it offline?

The article made serious allegations against an employee, and we recognize that the anonymous survey reports included in the article did not present sufficient evidence to conclude that the employee definitively violated policy. While we stand by our decision to share this information with the Olin community, we also acknowledge that this sensitive information should not be publicly available on the internet.

At the same time, we are disappointed that the college reacted to the publication of this article with an immediate request for removal instead of expressing concern for the allegations brought to light. Olin College must ensure that members of the community are able to bring forward concerns without fear of retaliation.

We want to be clear that the removal of this article from our website was not because of pressure from administration. However, the request gave us an opportunity to reflect on our role in public discourse. Our responsibility as a publication team is to ensure the integrity of claims, especially given their severity. These allegations could not be verified with the degree of certainty necessary to disseminate them widely on the internet.

Sincerely, 

The Frankly Speaking Publication Team

Statement from the Lucy Platt ‘25, author of the article:
President Barabino once said, in her letter Lessons Learned from Trombone Shorty, “Let’s all do our part to practice what we preach, to do what it takes to make the world better, and, as the lyrics suggest, to earn our right to complain.” I feel that I embodied this and the spirit of Olin. To all those who feel hurt, silenced, or scared, my door is still open and Outlook calendar is still to date.

Drunk Horoscopes

  • Aries: March 21–April 19
    • Real eyes realize real lies. Something to think about.
  • Taurus: April 20–May 20
    • You’ve been through the 12 steps, you’ve been born again, good luck getting everyone to forget you’re a MechE. You can’t shed that kind of stigma.
  • Gemini: May 21–June 21
    • There is no other woman. He’s playing league of legends. six hours a day. League of Legends. SIX HOURS. You’re gonna wish he was cheating on you.
  • Waning Gibbous: June 22–July 22
    • The call is frantic. Your mother is trapped in an elevator with 50 blue men who each need to exit at different floors. If only you had paid more attention.
  • Leo: July 23–August 22:
    • Hey first year, yes that’s you. I’ve been in therapy for 3 years and still talk weekly about those god damn giraffes. Be careful.
  • Year of the Rat: August 23–September 22:
    • You’re on the phone with your grandma. She’s telling you how to check for lumps. She’s baking a cake. What are you doing?
  • Libra: September 23–October 23
    • You’re about to catch some shade for wearing your Skydio shirt. You caught shit for it yesterday too. The day before? Do you only own one shirt?
  • Scorpio: October 24–November 21
    • Do it. You know you want to. Print the card. 9/11 Hot wings. You know you want to
  • Sagittarius (the beyblade): November 22–December 21
    • Frankly Speaking has censored this horoscope for reasons of personal bias.
  • Capricorn: December 22–January 19
    • You didn’t break the six week rule. You didn’t break the seven, eight or nine week rule. Huh, is it ever going to happen?
  • Aquarius: January 20–February 18
    • Parcel B closes at dusk now. For pedestrians. You know what happens after 4:15 pm? You have to fly in…
  • #0155: Cyndaquil: February 19–March 20
    • The stars are telling you to venmo Oliver 400 dollars. It’s been a year. @Oilver (qr code at the bottom of the page)

Notice re: Volume 17, Issue 1

In response to the October article, “I Have Fucking Had It With This College’s Leadership”, the Frankly Speaking team acknowledges that the publication of this article breached our submission guidelines. We have amended the submission guidelines with regards to how articles are deemed suitable for submission, as well as how authors reserve the right to anonymity. 

These changes include:

  • Changing the language around “unpopular opinions” disqualifying someone from anonymity
  • Changing the language regarding “potential negative impact on the community” preventing an article from being published
  • Changing the language around anonymity

The updated submission guidelines can be found on our website at https://franklyspeakingnews.com/submit/.

Drunk Horoscopes

♈ Aries: March 21–April 19

  • Horoscope? More like whore of scope?! More like whore…O-scope?!!! Return them please?!!!!!!!! MY WHORES?!

♉ Taurus: April 20–May 20

  • Taurus? More like. Clitaurus. Wait, where’d it go?! The asteroid made them go extinct.

♊ Gemini: May 21–June 21

  • Have you shown up to DesNat recently? Kate has probably been more than you have.

♋ Cancer: June 22–July 22

  • They’re inverting the dogs! They’re transposing the cats! That’s Kamambla’s eigenvector!

♌ Leo: July 23–August 22

  • Is Charmander bicurious? Only in theory, not in practice.

♍ Virgo: August 23–September 22

  • Did he tell you to come? No, he did that all by himself.

♎ Libra: September 23–October 23

  • Wait! I think we have that song on Rock Band. Wait! I think we broke the drums on Rock Band. MaaAaAaAAAaaAaps.

♏ Scorpio: October 24–November 21

  • I’ve fucking had it with Frankly Speaking! Posting shit all over the Dining Hall… I could have used that paper to wipe my ass.

♐ Sagittarius: November 22–December 21

  • Team bonding? No no no, team bondage. What’s our PIE budget?

♑ Capricorn: December 22–January 19

  • Feeling overwhelmed? Have you considered quitting FWOP? Quitting Formula? Quitting CORe? Quitting the first year?

♒ Aquarius: January 20–February 18

  • Just so you know, it’s your fault I’m leaving. -Aurelia

♓ Pisces: February 19–March 20

  • Go white boy go! Hot To Go?! H-O-T-T-O-G-O! You can take me hot to go.

Drunk Horoscopes

♈ Aries: March 21–April 19

  • You will encounter a Man—someone’s boyfriend—in the hallway while wearing nothing but a towel.

♉ Taurus: April 20–May 20

  • You are a swamp creature. They can tell.

♊ Gemini: May 21–June 21

  • USB stick? Used tampon? A crab? Use dryer with caution.

♋ Cancer: June 22–July 22

  • You will not get into your cross-reg. :(

♌ Leo: July 23–August 22

  • Missing Person Alert. Last seen wandering East Hall in a banana suit.

♍ Virgo: August 23–September 22

  • You will snipe Snillary Flinton from the Wellesley bell tower. Pew.

♎ Libra: September 23–October 23

  • Cupcakke is coming. So are we.

♏ Scorpio: October 24–November 21

  • If you lose your passport, check the Plan B bin.

♐ Sagittarius: November 22–December 21

  • You WILL get some dick. I believe in you.

♑ Capricorn: December 22–January 19

  • Drink the Baja Blast whiteboard cleaner. You know you want to.

♒ Aquarius: January 20–February 18

  • Get impeached, dumbass.

♓ Pisces: February 19–March 20

  • You’re doing ISIM week. Have fun.