Aries (March 21-April 19): The Dining Hall is a figment of your imagination.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Beware of hats.
Gemini (May 21-June 21): Do it. You’ll probably regret it later. Do it anyway.
Cancer (June 22-July 22): Feel the energy in the air around you. Breathe those auras deep.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): It is once again time to question your choice of residency.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You know who else was a Virgo? Ivan the Terrible.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The planets don’t want to be bothered right now.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The night of the new moon is dark. Don’t trip.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t worry, you’ll grow out of it.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): When Uranus is involved, you can never quite plan in advance.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You are a deterministic path. Nothing you do matters.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Today is a 10, straight up. Live it like you mean it.