Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): Sandals and snow don’t mix. Boots were invented for a reason. Although boots and tall snow don’t mix well either, so you’re probably just screwed.
Aries (March 21 – April 19): This month we will lose an hour. You’ll need to work very hard to make up for this missed hour or work time or sleep time. Use your negative hour very wisely – you paid for it with a hangover in November.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): See if any of the doors to the roof of your heart are open. Stargaze. Don’t get caught.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): If there was ever a time to embrace Pass/No Record, now is not it. Good news, though – spring break is right around the corner. You’ll have an extra week to work hard.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): If there was ever a time to embrace Pass/No Record, now is not it. Good news, though – spring break is right around the corner. You’ll have an extra week to work hard.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): You will have to walk to school, barefoot uphill both ways in the snow. And this winter is about to be Boston’s snowiest winter ever.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): When you see the bananas in the dining hall I bet all you can think of is the telephone. Use this as a reminder to call your family or reconnect with old friends. I bet they would love to hear from you.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Stop. Stop procrastinating. Stop saying ‘no.’ Stop trying so hard. Stop not trying hard enough. Stop feeling guilty.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Tennis balls are so perfectly round and fuzzy. They are fun to bounce. You can’t not smile when you’re holding a tennis ball. Next time you see one of these magical objects, make sure you give it its due respect.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): You can convince them of anything. Remember, people used to think the Earth was flat.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): You look like you need some ice cream. Guess what flavors the Dining Hall has? Peach.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): BACK UP YOUR DATA! EVERYTHING WILL CRASH AT MIDNIGHT!