February Drunk Horoscopes

♈ Aries: March 21–April 19

  • Welcome back from Scotland! You should have run when you had the chance.

♉ Taurus: April 20–May 20

  • Whore yappiness??????

♊ Gemini: May 21–June 21

  • You stumble upon a mystery metal. It’s a liquid! Like vodka. Beware, it’s not galium. Your flooring will be replaced.

♋ Cancer: June 22–July 22

  • You will see Renee Rapp. You will question your sexuality.

♌ Leo: July 23–August 22

  • Oops! There is a fire. Run. The cats will cry. The cats are high.

♍ Virgo: August 23–September 22

  • I think gay is the best one. If you’re straight, that’s your own problem.

♎ Libra: September 23–October 23

  • Horoscope incoming! I’m cooking, cooking!!!

♏ Scorpio: October 24–November 21

  • Welcome to 1N! The sink isn’t supposed to do that. I guess beavers cause dams.

♐ Sagittarius: November 22–December 21

  • You will get BITCHES!! You love them sooo much. They are so caring and wonderful and you love having them in your life.

♑ Capricorn: December 22–January 19

  • Your name is Regina George. You are not a massive deal. You have five QEA assignments due.

♒ Aquarius: January 20–February 18

  • You’ll get cozy in the Charlotte airport. You’ll miss your first P&M. Bonding.

♓ Pisces: February 19–March 20

  • You’ve been through ten high schools. They start to get blurry. No point planting roots ‘cause you’re gone in a hurry.

Contributers:

Audrey Abraham (she/her)

Avery Mosley (mech/proto)

Becca Cramer (honk/honk)

Cat Cirone (P/M)

Charlie Mawn (him/he/his majesty)

Kate McCurley (Bri/ish)

Maddy Fahey (wa/hoo)

Mika Gazit (thoughts/prayers)

+ posts

Leave a Reply