We hoped the summer would make it go away, but the heat seems to only have fermented and festered the insatiable appetite for evil that the Frankly Speaking editors so zealously cling upon. In our lengthy investigations, we have found them yet again spewing dark lies, frenetically hiding facts, and engaging in such deep and willing corruption so as to make their deceit and maleficence only comparable to an uneventful, on-par day in the Trump administration.
So once again, after a summer apart, we, the Spankly Freaking team, humbly stoop to pick up the headlines so callously rejected by the Frankly Speaking editors and deliver Truth to you. Please enjoy…
Say A Big Welcome To The New President of Olin
‘s Cheese Club
After a fierce race between three club members, Parm Esan was proudly crowned the Third President Of Olin
‘s Cheese Club
How Did You All Enjoy The Summer Reading Book??
Reply Seniors, Juniors, and Sophomores: “It was interesting and insightful. Reflecting upon plagiarism and the ethics of AI usage certainly opened my eyes to the vast implications this might have for both my career and for society at large. If you would like a more detailed response to your prompt, writ a brief relfection on the AI Mirror, or some quick talking points, just let me know!”
New Dean of Student Affairs Installs Bouncy House In The Dining Hall “To Show I’m Going To Be A Cool Dean”
“I’ll even let you eat ice cream and stay up past 10 on the weekends” said Dean Harris, asking to be called Stace-Money or Dean-Slicko.
Now I’m Not Saying To Play In The Trenches…
I mean, me? No. I would not say that. That would be dangerous and something that I personally would not encourage. You wouldn’t be hearing that from me. I mean, the Trenches? They don’t look fun at ALL is what I would say. If I were asked.
No one should play in the Trenches, would be all that I would be saying if it came to the point of me being asked about it. The Trenches? Noooo…
“No you simply can’t, Doctor! That would be pushing too far into inhumanity!” Cries Assistant As Mad Scientist In Charge Of Olin Cackles, Cranks Up The Heat More
“I must see the limits of my creation!” they continued before putting a bunch of super fun looking Trenches on campus and forbidding students to play in them
Reminder About Referring To The New Class!
Remember when talking about the new class, try not to say “freshmen” as it’s a gendered term! Instead, you should use the gender-neutral “fresh meat”