Horrorscopes by Spooky Editors

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): You’ll lose another sock to the dryer and have three lonely socks which is infinitely more awkward than two because two are inevitably better friends than the first and the third one always has to struggle to be included which is just too real a struggle. Lose another sock quick so that little red one doesn’t feel alone anymore.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): You will discover in the spring semester of your senior year that you failed OIE and you will have to take a supersenior semester just to make it up.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): You will develop a very convincing maniacal laugh and be cast in the next Tim Burton film. Unfortunately, Johnny Depp will be unfathomably jealous and hold a jar of dirt over you while you sleep.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): You’ll adopt another plant and forget to water it just like you forgot to water that basil plant. That helpless basil plant. Only you could take care of it and you couldn’t. You wanted to give it all life had to offer, but you couldn’t even keep it alive. You couldn’t find time to water it. You couldn’t find time in your busy schedule to water the plant that depended on you, and only you, to survive. This is also the month that you will realize that parenthood might not be for you.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): Good fortune comes to you this month. But beware. Always carry a clove of garlic with you. Not because of vampires but because you never know when it might come in handy.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): You will lose your prox and the dining hall staff will be real sick of your shit by the end of the week.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You will realize this month that you don’t want to be an engineer and comparative literature is your passion.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): You’ve got a jar of diiiiiirt.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): You’ll have to go over to Babson all by yourself to get coffee. You’ll get asked by three separate people to be their technical co-founders. None of them are thinking of giving you equal share of their company.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): You will hear Thriller and Christmas music in the same day.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): You will wake up at 11 am on a Saturday only to find that there is no eggs benedict and that Chef Kevin is gone.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Your advisor will look at your 4-year plan and only be able to say, “Oh, honey.”

A Very Belated Hello

Hi there, Olinauts! You may have noticed that I wasn’t an editor and now I am. I just joined the Frankly Speaking team this year, and I’m finally taking the chance to say hello.
Here’s a little bit about me if you don’t already know who I am: I’m a Robotics major who came to this school with nothing but the ability to program and write any type of bullshit but poetry. I’m easily spotted on most days by a green army shirt and bright red high-tops. My favorite author is Neil Gaiman, and my favorite genre of anything is weird as shit.
I love any music in the realm of classic rock and alternative rock, but I’m going through my angsty music phase now: Fall Out Boy, twenty-one pilots, Panic! at the Disco, you name it. My pride and stubbornness are both my greatest assets and greatest weaknesses. I don’t know when to quit, and nobody tells me what to do but my mother (and sometimes my roommate).
I’m also really excited to work on Frankly Speaking this year.
This newspaper is such a cool way for Olin to speak its mind and offer interesting opinions on things like capitalism and maps.
I’m also hoping to make it a cool way to find out more about what’s going on at Olin from student-run events to faculty research to campus culture discussions and maybe even as a way to find out what’s going on in the world outside of Olin (if that exists).
But sometimes the barrier between “this should be in Frankly Speaking”
to sending it in is actually writing something.
Well, that’s what I’m here for. Do you have something you want to say but don’t know how to say it? Is there something you think someone should write about but don’t have the motivation to write it yourself? Are you slugging through an article but want an outside opinion or maybe just grammar check?
If any of these are you, I’m the person for the job. I’d love to complement the current Frankly Speaking spread with articles grounded in Olin and directly applicable to the Olin community.
If you have ideas for content along these lines, I would love to hear them.
Expect me to bother various club, activity, and student government meetings in the near future.
Is there an event you think I should cover? Let me know. Is there a TV show, movie, or book you want me to review before you commit your own time to it? Let me know.
That being said, I also love the application of critical theory to everyday topics and would love to advise on or write a critical spin on any topic on campus or off. If that’s something you’re into, let me know.
Stay Cool,
Sophia “Will Write for Free” Nielsen