Disclaimer: This month’s edition will be more off-color, because, well, the questions I got were more off-color. Ask and you shall receive.
Dear Dr. Liu,
Though my roommate and I both have significant others, sometimes I feel like they get way more action. How can I assuage my bitter jealousy over their sexual antics?
I sometimes worry that as I learn more about engineering, I become clumsier and worse at writing. Am I doomed to be awkward and inarticulate if I continue to pursue engineering?
Safe in the Bubble
Dear Bubble Boy,
I hate to say it, but it’s probably true that you’re getting worse at writing; I’m sure almost everyone at Olin has experienced the same sort of thing.
I’m terribly unfortunate in the realm of dating. I’m irrevocably in love with my suitemate, but I don’t think he has any idea. He’s also dating a Wellesley chick, and I’m kind of in love with her too. What should I do?
-Confused in Canada
You should devise an elaborate scheme where you have one of your friends convince your suitemate that he is gay. He will break up with the Wellesley chick, who will find solace in your loving arms. Afterwards, your suitemate will realize that he is not in fact gay, feel dejected and forever alone, and also come seek sweet, sticky love in your room. You should also purchase a strap-on.
No, but really: this isn’t a serious question, is it? People don’t actually live in Canada, do they?
Dear Doctor Liu,
There are too many dicks on the dance floor.
If there are too many dongs, and too many shlongs, make sure before you go: the dance floor bro-hoe ratio; Five to one is a brodeo! It’s easy to fix, just spread out the dicks! It’s a dance floor…what can you expect, in all honesty?
But in all seriousness –
Tits or GTFO.
(I’m a bad person…)