Erika Serna is a Gamer Girl

She has not one, but 2 Nintendo Switches*. That’s right, she wanted the Animal Crossing Switch so much that she bought it in addition to another Switch. She has played copious amounts of Animal Crossing over the past few days since its release. She has over 140 hours logged into Stardew Valley, and has completed 23/40 of the extremely difficult achievements in the game. She’s also taken up Sonic Adventure 2, with about 5 hours with that game. She has played My Riding Stables – Life with Horses for over 5 hours, and even wrote an in-depth article about her experience with it. And these games are just the ones that I know about. Who knows what other games she has spent hundreds of hours on in the past year. She also recently started TWO Discord servers (that we know of), where she now spends every waking hour on. Due to all of these facts, Erika Serna is, without a doubt, a gamer girl.

*Clarification, Serna was borrowing her brother’s Switch for the semester and now owns the Animal Crossing one. But it remains to be seen whether her brother actually plays on the Switch.

Howoscopes

Authors: Hadweigh Nunwes, Jowdan Cwawfowd-O’Banner, Mawk Goldwatew, Shwashank Swaminathan, Chwase Jwoyner, Nathan Estwill, Allwi Busa, Ewika Sewna, and Aidwen Cawley-Clwoptwon

Awies (Mar. 21–Apr. 19):

In the very immediate future, you will read a lot of uwu-speak. (◕ㅅ◕✿)

Tauwus (April 20-May 20):

Wemembew tew dwink watew Tauwus(✿◕‿◕). It seems wike you haven’t been dwining any watew at aw Tauwus. You wook weally dwied out wike an onion skin, wike onions fwom shwek. I’m wooking at you wight now and aw youw skin is wike… weawy dwy. (◕ _ ◕✿) Hewwo? Tauwus? 

Gewmini (May 21–June 21)

 (◠‿◠✿) Wuv is in the aiw Gewmini! The staws awe awinging  (◡‿◡✿) 

Cancew (June 22–July 22):
Pwease mistew Obama… I’w do anything fow you mistew Obama pwease hewp. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Weo (July 23–Aug. 22):

uwu pweas sway stwong (◕︿◕✿)

Viwgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22):

Hewwo viwgo… you stinky wittle (✿◉ω◉)

Libwa (Sept. 23–Oct. 23):
Uwu It’s time to tiwt da scawes (◕ ˬ ◕✿)

Scowpio (Oct. 24–Nov. 21)

You’we bweeding oWo, you shouwd go to da howspitaw (◕ ɔ ◕✿)

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21):
If you are a Sagittarius, wun run. Run far, far away, and no matter what happens, don’t read the other horoscopes. You have been spared. 

Capwicown (Dec. 22–Jan. 19):
uWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWoWoWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWuWu

Aquawius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

I don’t have much to owfew. Take this swowd.  (◕ ﺮ ◕✿)

Pisces (ʘ ω ʘ) (Feb. 19–Mar. 20)

Fishy wishy wanna dwink water like a gweedy wittle piggy  (◕ᴗ◕✿)

Horoscopes by Idiots for Idiots

Editor’s Note: This was done in response to me needing material and my friends being memers. I would like to thank them for doing this and for helping fold the Frankly Speaking articles for the past couple of months. uwu I love you all. 

If you would like to see something different please submit materials.

Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19):
The stars will not stand for such yellow bellied actions

Taurus (April 20-May 20):

The stars predict tomorrow you’ll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

source: weird “al” yankovic

Gemini (May 21–June 21)

Take a nap, you bitch.

Cancer (June 22–July 22):
Beware of getting crabs. You just are.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22):

Purr i cawe about my furiends rawr xD owo cawwy me purr I wuv aw of my furiends Xd uwu.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22):
No comment. Your mother would not be proud.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 23):
I will not stop stabbing you because I am not stabbing you. 

Scorpio (Oct. 24–Nov. 21):
STOP STABBING ME

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21):
Killing furries is legal on some planets. You and Kenta finally become as strong as pegasus.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19):
Today you earn your horns. Be on the lookout for rites of passage and chances at growth. This is the time for you to focus, Capricorn. All of your energy needs to be channeled to important goals like getting your pubes dyed, or finding out how many chicken nuggets you can forcefully shove into your disgusting gob. Maybe both.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

There’s travel in your future when your tongue 

Freezes to the back of a speeding bus

source: weird “al” yankovic

Pisces (Feb. 19–Mar. 20)

You’ll experience deja Vu, the feeling that this moment has already happened. Which is Deja Vu, the feeling that this moment has already happened.