Can of Worms

J is a good guy. When he sees some worms moving about, he ever so friendly approaches one and asks it, where did it come from and where is it heading. But then he is also the kind of guy who would ask a “sine” function what its value is at infinity and may ask a “Dirac-delta” what is its derivative. There is a good reason why I am fond of J. I also like M. I had always suspected that she moves about with boxes of worms in her pocket, and then one day she showed me an inch insect on her fingertips. She even gave it away to me. After a photo session with that celebrity; I returned it to a tree outside, it was a perfect rainy day for it to be out there. H thinks he knows all the earthworms in his yard and that he can make them dance to his tunes. True that I have seen some of them actually dance to his tunes, but he is yet to see the ones living deep underground in his yard and the ones that will metamorphous sooner or later. They are beautiful, complex, at times frightening and way more difficult to manage. I know, I have lived with worms since my infancy, I have eaten them for breakfast as a toddler. I don’t try to make them dance but I do dance with them sometimes. C if he tries, has capacity to understand worms but he is too busy building automobiles for them.
Not everyone is as much fun as J and M. Now take JD for example. JD is different, he would have nothing to do with cans of worms. SD is positively afraid of cans of worms, but if someone hands him an open can of worms, he deals with it with affection and care, that makes him quite adorable. AL seems uncertain about how she wants to manage cans of worms, I guess she will resolve it, I hope she does that in the favor of the worms. PA has a lot of interest in worms, what he needs is a good magnifying glass so that he can adore and admire them. Right now he just simulates them, which is not as beautiful as the real thing.
S directly comes from the worm country. They are some of her best friends. She would come to fist fights for them if need be. I love her spirit but also worry about her. W is a gentleman; he likes worms and likes people who like worms. Mi? Xie is sweet, I have often found xer playing with a worm or two. ​

Horoscopes by Drunk Editors

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): If something bad happens twice it’s a coincidence. If it happens three times you’re cursed. If it happens one time, it’s somebody’s fault.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Let’s face the facts, you’re a mer-goat.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): You may feel a sense of emptiness this month. You’ll find yourself wondering if you’re still not over that basil plant. I mean, it was helpless. It only had you to look after it, and, let’s be honest, you failed it. You killed it. You’re a murderer, and you don’t even have a real job yet. You just can’t believe that you would let something that innocent and helpless die without a second thought. Then again, maybe it’s just because you forgot to eat breakfast.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): You might want to stay away from Cancer this month. Bad vibes and all that.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Your shoe’s untied. Made you look.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Finals week is coming up, so I just want you to remember to KEEP CALM. EVERYBODY KEEP CALM. NOBODY FREAK OUT OR DO ANYTHING DRASTIC

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Your lucky number is at least 6.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Pisces is an asshole.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time. Didn’t I, my dear?

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): Allen Downey has the answers to all your problems and wrote a book about it.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of the tunnel [sick bass line] is a freight train coming your way.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Would you like fries with that?

Overheard at Olin

– “It’s a little rude. It’s like asking someone how much money they make. Asking a vector for its components is a little rude.”
– “Cars don’t usually stop when they come near me.”
– “I would go make some popcorn if people weren’t getting murdered in my room.”
– “I got distracted by the word fucking in the middle of that sentence.”
– “It’s very hard to burn the internet.”
– “Mechanically, that gives me a rash.”
– “There is a perfect number of meth on the board, which is 0.”
– “I blame my family’s ridiculously high arches.”
– “I had a plan but I’m not finding much cardboard or motivation.”
– “We’ve been using mechanical engineering to kill people for thousands of years. You’ve only been using electrical engineering to kill people for about 200, and I’m being generous.”
– “I barely know pick-up lines in American.”
– “That’s what Thanksgiving is for. Watching people get their hair cut for hours on end.”
– “At least your parents didn’t turn your room into an opium den.”

Crossword Puzzle

ACROSS
1 Japanese fighting fish
5 Is vaccinated
11 Ortiz and Armas
12 Chinese philosophy
13 Bygone media storer
15 Like outer space
16 Eucalyptus eater
17 Writes down
18 Video game “Orc-Town”
20 Racket overseers
21 Mascot is Pistol Pete
26 More abrupt
28 HP actor ___ Rickman
29 Brains, informally
31 Many messes
33 The world has five of them
36 Artificial caves
38 ___ De Janeiro
39 Zeus and Ares
40 Hospital staffer
41 Dem or Rep
43 Of sturdy wood
47 Francés river
48 Japanese mafia

DOWN
1 Get cold feet (2 words)
2 Sponsor
3 Bubbles voice actress
4 Athens soldier
5 Common sayings
6 Wal ___
7 Chemistry unit
8 Doing 180’s
9 Compass direction
10 Ambulance letters
14 Worlds’ deadliest creature
15 Per ___
19 On the way (informal, 2 words)
22 Greek automaton
23 SNL’s ___ Baldwin
24 Stun-gun
25 printing unit
27 Upheld the law
30 Bone prefix
32 Element #18
34 Casper’s need
35 Italian grandma
37 Give the green light
41 “To ___ or not to ___”
42 Ion battery metal
44 Famed pharaoh
45 Writer ___ Johnston
46 La Jolla college

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Horrorscopes by Spooky Editors

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): You’ll lose another sock to the dryer and have three lonely socks which is infinitely more awkward than two because two are inevitably better friends than the first and the third one always has to struggle to be included which is just too real a struggle. Lose another sock quick so that little red one doesn’t feel alone anymore.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): You will discover in the spring semester of your senior year that you failed OIE and you will have to take a supersenior semester just to make it up.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): You will develop a very convincing maniacal laugh and be cast in the next Tim Burton film. Unfortunately, Johnny Depp will be unfathomably jealous and hold a jar of dirt over you while you sleep.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): You’ll adopt another plant and forget to water it just like you forgot to water that basil plant. That helpless basil plant. Only you could take care of it and you couldn’t. You wanted to give it all life had to offer, but you couldn’t even keep it alive. You couldn’t find time to water it. You couldn’t find time in your busy schedule to water the plant that depended on you, and only you, to survive. This is also the month that you will realize that parenthood might not be for you.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): Good fortune comes to you this month. But beware. Always carry a clove of garlic with you. Not because of vampires but because you never know when it might come in handy.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): You will lose your prox and the dining hall staff will be real sick of your shit by the end of the week.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You will realize this month that you don’t want to be an engineer and comparative literature is your passion.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): You’ve got a jar of diiiiiirt.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): You’ll have to go over to Babson all by yourself to get coffee. You’ll get asked by three separate people to be their technical co-founders. None of them are thinking of giving you equal share of their company.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): You will hear Thriller and Christmas music in the same day.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): You will wake up at 11 am on a Saturday only to find that there is no eggs benedict and that Chef Kevin is gone.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Your advisor will look at your 4-year plan and only be able to say, “Oh, honey.”

The Real Enemy: Capitalism

When you look at a beauty ad and see an unrealistic depiction of how women should look, is that sexism at work? Or was it instead just someone who looked at the potential to foster insecurity in women and thought, “I can make money by exploiting that?” When you look at a beauty ad and see a disproportionate share of people with lighter skin, is that racism at work? Or was it instead just someone who looked at who had money in the world and realized that it was white people, so why market to people of color? When you see heteronormative television, is it homophobia? Or is it hollywood recognizing that they will sell less content if it challenges society’s perceptions of what relationships should be like too much? The enemy at the root is actually Capitalism much more often than the system would have you believe. Why? Because it wants to deflect blame towards something else. So very often when we have a conversation about racism, sexism, what have you, what we’re actually doing is talking more about more symptom-level phenomena than root causes, and missing an opportunity to talk about the real enemy. We reward unethical companies for implementing “green” or “inclusive” practices, thinking they’ve become good guys, instead of thinking that they’re just cashing in on a different phenomenon. And when we do this, we further and disproportionately empower the most sneaky companies. Capitalism works by playing on the darkest parts of humanity: our fears and insecurities–of not being as beautiful as the person next to us, of people who look different, even fear of being regarded as not humanitarian enough–whatever it can get its hands on.

Of course sexism, racism, and other discriminatory isms exist. Have they been dramatically magnified and perpetuated by capitalism? Absolutely. Should we continue to fight against non-economic forms of discrimination? Absolutely. But we should also be aware of when our efforts align with what the money-making system wants: to deflect blame, and capitalize on your well-intentioned efforts.

Written by a white, heterosexual, cisgender, male

Inspired by article “Who Bullies the Bullies?” on TheLastPsychiatrist.com: tinyurl.com/Capitalism_True_Enemy

Crossword Puzzle

Across
1 Farm home
5 That’s the ___!”
9 LSD
13 Black and white cookie
14 Pierre’s“worst”
15 Bouncy sticks
17 Successes
18 Frankenstein helper
19 Relating to sound
20 Tying together
22 Gives out
24 Listen to
25 Irritating sound
26 Tree with the most rings
29 Small fights
31 Clothes after losing weight
32 Cookie guy
33 Narc agency
36 Apple eater
37 Buddha blessing
40 Olive or corn
41 “___ the land of the free”
42 Tired of
43 Valve type
45 Facility
47 Points the finger at
48 Mixer paddle
51 Baby kangaroo
52 Florida mammal
54 In the past (2 words)
58 T & Vanilla
59 Of wide range
61 Snitched
62 RN Employer
64 A war was fought against these Australians
65 Like Hand-me-downs
66 Indefinite article
67 Healthy skin
68 Okay grades

Down
1 Chip holder
2 Diva’s song
3 Egypt “names”
4 Cause for refusal of service
5 Harpsicord cousin
6 Kermit’s love
7 Spanish gold
8 Trillion prefix
9 Mini Java program
10 City near Albany
11 “Look what ___ ___”
12 Put on
16 Castaway’s plea
21 Norwegian playwright
23 Of the smallest amount
26 Butter alternative
27 Cupid’s goal
28 Someone not idle
29 Clever
30 Fragrant flower
32 Rice type
33 Marvel doctor
34 Green Isle
35 Different ways, informally
38 Knows of
39 Degeneres or Page
44 Earnings paper (2words)
45 School fundraising team
46 Allow
47 Collins of Funk
48 Fat calculator
49 Every one
50 Lichen type
51 He walked on water
53 Happily ___ after
55 Morristown, NJ school
56 Show starring Chris Colfer
57 You try to beat them
60 “I love” in Spanish
63 It’s a go, it’s___

Horoscopes by Drunk Editors

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): They say that two birds of a feather flock together. It’s a wonderful thing to find a sense of community, a sense of belonging, a place that no matter how hard you mess up someone will always be around to tell you “well, at least you tried.” A lot of people strive for that. No one should take it for granted. Birds also flock in trees. Too bad Olin doesn’t have any.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Scorpions are pretty dangerous. If you see one, do not engage. It may try to lure you in. Be assured, it does not have tequila shots and will certainly not be giving any to you.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): When selling your next house remember: location, location, location.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Let’s see…(rolls die) 2? It’s gonna be a rough week because (rolls again)…4? Your cat will be sick. (Rolls again)…1? He’ll be fine. He’s scrappy

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): You won’t be able to connect to the Olin network, no matter how hard you try.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): You might be allergic to grapes, Kevin.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Winter is coming…with highs of forty degrees and lows of around twenty. Make sure to wear a nice coat, the scarf your grandmother made you, and sacrifice to your local weather deities today. Remember: a goat a day keeps the chills away!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You might find yourself with a pen that you swear wasn’t yours.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Stay away from Pisces on Friday.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Call your mom, Jerry. For Pete’s sake!

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): You know that thing you haven’t cleaned for a while? Yeah, now would be a good time.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): The planets have aligned for you this month. You’ll find that the person you’ve been waiting to respond to you is…who am I kidding? I can’t do this. I’m not cut out for horoscopes just like I’m not cut out for taking care of basil plants. Every day it just sits there, dying, and I didn’t even notice, didn’t even care until it was dead. I was supposed to take care of it and it died. Here I am trying to tell you how to live your life, and I can’t even take care of a stupid basil plant.

Horoscopes By Drunk Editors

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): If you think you shouldn’t , you probably really shouldn’t. Or you could do it and see what happens.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Paranoia is a survival mechanism designed to keep you from being eaten, stabbed in the back, or poisoned.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead. Not that we endorse murder. Or suicide. Or even threats. We endorse nothing, nor are we endorsed by anyone. It’s a complicated legal thing.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): Curiosity did kill the cat.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Sometimes having seven different contingency plans is a good thing.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): You are going to have a wonderful week. It will feel like you’re walking on clouds, like the birds are singing just for you. Think about buying a lottery ticket. Profess your love to your secret crush. Take up that hobby that you’ve always previously failed at. There is no losing for you. It’s like being King Midas, except that you won’t find yourself accidentally killing the ones that you love when they give you congratulatory high fives. Like being Achilles, except your mother knew that tongs existed and was able to thoroughly dunk you in the River Styx. Like being the Chicago Cubs making it to Game 7’s 10th inning to finally end a 108 year dry streak. In short, there is nothing that you cannot do this week. Play your cards right, and it could go down in the history books as one of the single greatest weeks in human history. Don’t let this opportunity go to waste. You could solve world hunger. You could find the cure for cancer. And if you think this is all too good to be true…

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): Put it back down. Walk away slowly.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Foolhardy decisions are for fools. Not that you’re a fool…

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Don’t do it.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): You can never look over your shoulder too often.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Reevaluate your options.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): Bulls shouldn’t play in China Shops.

Crossword Puzzle

Crossword

ACROSS

1 Smarty
7 Mars day
9 Christmas phrase
10 Irritating type of voice
14 Online craft market
15 Aware of (two words)
18 Tattle
19 How many to tango?
20 Slowly stop
21 Unusual
23 Long time
25 Bland color
27 Sing on a hill
30 Depends on
32 To ___ or not to ___
33 Break, in music
34 Back muscle, abbr
35 ___ Alto, CA
37 Many
39 Stuff to sell
40 Oliners
42 Brew
43 “I win this hand”
44 Pesky biter
45 Margaret’s nickname
47 TV trial of the century judge
48 Prefix for a PhD, abbr
49 State known for rain
51 Mediation? Just do this!
52 Shiny yellow
56 Skill
57 Skirmish
58 Getting up there
59 A new model

DOWN

1 Power
2 Littlest bit
3 Bird house
4 Clever
5 Writing vessel before ball point pens
6 tiny
7 Weasel type
8 Property
11 Way to soften a question
12 Express sympathy
13 Grassy places
16 Exist
17 Can’t
19 Unix translation
21 Relaxing
22 Popular Food Network celeb
23 Consume
24 Working
26 Ointment for cuts
28 Fruit
29 First state in the Union abbr
31 Jewelry
35 Diet type
36 Geometry 101 calculation
38 Homer’s neighbor
39 Disney bigwig
41 French coming-of-age film
44 Digit
45 Sound to get someone’s attention
46 Opposite of 57 Across
50 Nerve network
51 My love waits for me beyond it
53 Hooray to Juan
54 Cool light
55 ___, Daylight come and me wanna go home

ANSWERS BELOW

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Screen Shot 2017-08-29 at 20.00.56