Horoscopes by Drunk Editors

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): Your most productive time of day for the next 8 weeks will be between 3:14 AM and 12:01 PM. Try to schedule all of your meetings and get all of your homework done during these hours. So what if your significant other is trying to sleep?

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): The world is going to try and make you feel bad for being single. Guess what? You don’t have to spent hundreds of dollars on flowers and chocolate and fancy dinner and gifts that your significant other wouldn’t really care about anyway. Take all that extra cash and go have some fun.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Your best friend is going to try and make you feel bad for not being single. They wish things could go back to howthey were before you “fell in love.” Pity them, but then remember you’re in a very happy and loving relationship and go have a good Valentine’s Day.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): It has been said that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, that the only way to show a woman that you love her is with a million karat rock that’s at least three month’s salary. Why does it seem like everything about love always comes back to money? Are we really that shallow?

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): According to legend, St. Valentine was executed shortly after healing the daughter of his jailor and writing her a letter signed, “Your Valentine.” That’s a happy an uplifting message: do something nice for your tormentor, and you’ll still die. Happy Bloody Valentine’s Day.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): You should inform Taurus that yes, we are really that shallow. Ten thousand years ago a declaration of love may have been getting to eat the first bite of wooly mammoth brain. Now it’s a shiny rock and a mortgage.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I didn’t know you were severely allergic to chocolate!
What- what do I do?

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): Greek gods and goddesses used to put their dead lovers in the stars for the world to see. What have you honestly done that’s even half that impressive?
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): This holiday is arguably more red-centric than Christmas. Starbucks will probably have blue cups just for the 14th. Let’s not read into it too much, ok?

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Do you remember when you used to be required to make a valentine for everyone in your class, and at the end of the day you walk out of school with a box of candy and maybe a single mass produced card stock character valentine that your crush had written both of your names on? Ah, those were the days.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): The 14th is on a Tuesday. Let’s see what the most romantic thing you can come up with when you and your significant other both don’t have weekend Wednesday is. Please remember: be safe, be respectful.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Can you imagine being dumped on February 13th? I can’t think of anything more painful. Thankfully, stores are normally only sold out of chocolate and roses this time of year; pints of Ben & Jerry’s might actually even be discounted because the shop owners feel bad for you.

Horoscopes by Drunk Editors

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): The course of true love never did run smooth.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste death but once.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): Never a borrower nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
Aries (March 21 – April 19): The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Out, out brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night and day, thou canst not be false to any man.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Men were deceivers ever; one foot in the sea, and one on the shore, to one thing con- stant never.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22):
Have more than thou showest, speak less than thou knowest, lend less than thoou owest, ride more than thou goest, learn more than thou trowest, set less than thou throwest.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we might oft win, by fearing to attempt.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Swear not my the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, less that thy love prove likewise variable.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): You starvelling, you elfskin, you dried neet’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stockfish. O for breath to utter what is like thee!
For potential legal reasons, though Shakespeare is public domain, dis- claimer: all quotes are Shakespeare, and Frankly Speaking does not make financial gains from their use.

Horoscopes By Drunk Editors

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): The day before Thanksgiving, you will come down with a nasty bout of Amphibian Quail Sickness. The only known cure is putting a lime in- side of a coconut and drinking it all up. Hope you beat this.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): Is the paint in your bathroom peeling more often than usual? It’s probably from all those showers your room- mate insists on taking at 5 AM while singing arias. At least you’ll know who to blame when Facilities doesn’t pass you for inspection.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Two mice were stuck in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. But the second mouse swam frantically, kicking his legs faster and faster until he churned the whole bucket in the butter. Moral of the story: the first mouse didn’t have to worry about the cat wait- ing outside of the bucket.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): Did you know that pies were originally just jars to keep food in? Obviously the “jar” was made out of the medieval pie dough equivalent, but they somehow
managed to prevent rot/ bacteria from harming the filling over short periods of time. To honor those courageous inventors, you should eat lots of pie around the middle of the month.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): Every time some- one mentions a turkey this month, pretend like you’ve never heard of the creature, and make that person imitate a turkey call. It’ll be funny, I promise.
Aries (March 21 – April 19): You know what would be really bad this mini holiday season? If you slept through your alarm on your travel day. And then when you had scrambled to successfully book another travel reservation, the station got snowed in. And your fellow travelers started look- ing at you like a Donner Party member. But that’s totally not gonna hap- pen…
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Riddle me this, ModSim-ers and ModSim Alumni: If there are 330 million Americans and each person eats 1/4 of a turkey and there are 100 million turkeys turned into Butterballs each November and turkeys re- produce at a rate of .89
per year, how long will it take before we resort to eating tofurkeys?
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Oh. You’re gonna get stuck doing ALL of the project work over break because the rest of your team has had plans to fly home for WEEKS, and it just wouldn’t be fair to make them cancel on their families when you have time to do the work “any- way”?
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Tell Taurus that we’ve actually been eating tofurkey for years. Those vegan scientists are get- ting good.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22):
Don’t go to sleep on the 10th until after 11:59 PM. You’ll miss out on the coolest thing of the semester if you do.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): Have you ever tried to see how many fall leaves you can crumble up and stuff into you neighbor’s boots? No? Wow, you’re missing out.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Bring Leo some warm milk on the 10th. They been working really hard, and could definitely use a good night’s sleep. Maybe tell them a bed time story.

Horoscopes by Drunk Editors

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): You’ll be surprised by what you can achieve. Stay close to your friends. It is possible to get lost on campus.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Get out of your dorm room and try to find a place on campus that no one else knows exists. Be adventurous (or lie).
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): Let me guess your Halloween costume: drunk college student at a party?
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Every single printer is going to run out of paper on Thursday, October 13th.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): A beber y a tragar, queelmundosevaa acabar.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): There are only so many days out the year when drinking a pumpkin spice latte is acceptable/ possible. Take advantage of it while you can.
Aries (March 21 – April 19): If you have 2 over- due p-sets, 6 hours of meetings, reading for that Wellesley class, and code that even the NINJAs can’t figure out, why wouldn’t you go into Boston for the weekend?
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Oh, dear. look at the time. The little horoscope fairies have long passed out. Here, write your own: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Do you know all the courses you need in order to graduate? (Seniors, here’s looking at you).
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Professors love frantic emails 5 hours before the deadline. Remember that for your next lab.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22):
Fall only comes once a year. For like, a quarter of the year, but you know what I mean. Take those Instagram pictures while you can, soon you’ll have more frozen water than anyone can deal with.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): When homework threatens to crush your very soul, just remember that Fall TV is back, and just about everything is up-to-date on Netflix. You will get through this.

Pampered Hamsters

I came to Olin to be a part of a curricular experiment – and with it I accepted the fact that not every classroom experience I would have would be perfect, that my resulting knowledge about technical concepts might not be bullet-proof, and that explaining my education to friends or future employers might be tough. I’ve enjoyed co-designing courses with professors here and engaging in conversations about Olin’s future – and thankfully, many of my initial fears did not come to light. I feel just as competent, technically, as any of my close friends graduating from other universities and without a lot of the jadedness to boot.

It hurts my heart, however, to see friends and peers who actively detest the curricular development piece of the Olin experience. I can’t blame them – as someone who is looking for an untraditional, quality, engineering education, they were presented with only a handful of choices marketed to them in high school. At Candidates Weekend, the idea of experimenting is sold to us as merely a supplement to a main course of superior education. The Princeton Review rankings reflect the quality of the education, not the creativity of the institution.

When we arrive, it becomes immediately clear, however, of our role as “hamsters.” From Design Nature teaming assignments to the Linearities; from iSIM to 6 Microbes; the ever-evolving nature of our curriculum is clear and students get front-row seats to it all. For anyone arriving at Olin expecting a top-notch education, they will receive it with a healthy dose of struggle and frustration if they aren’t willing to embrace or accept being an active participant in curricular development.

At Olin, we have a lot to be thankful for: professors that actually care about us and our future, a student affairs team that actually knows our names, dorms that are extremely livable, plenty of hands-on experiences, a club for most passions, frequent student events, an admissions process we can be involved in… Perhaps it is our high standard of living, the relative luxury of our lives, that allows for a culture of saltiness with regards to our experience in courses which challenge us to be active participants in our learning. We are extremely pampered – deadlines are flexible, grades are flexible, everyone is respectful to the point of passive – and this creates a feeling of “deserving.” Just as in our day-to-day life, we want to get all of the goodness of curricular experimentation without being a part of the process of actually making it good. We deserve a frustration-free curriculum. We deserve a registration period that fits our expectations every semester. We deserve to walk into interviews and have the people on the other side of the table recognize all of our course titles. We deserve perfection.

This is dangerous. Olin and its quality only exists because of the mission to constantly evolve the curriculum and experiment with engineering education. The classes we love best are only the result of students like us struggling a few years prior and offering feedback to the professors. The new courses like Chemistry in Context and QEA only exist because our institution supports these initiatives. Olin’s acclaim only exists because of the people it has attracted and the willingness for faculty and students to participate in it. If our dissatisfaction with our courses stays dining hall banter or complaint-party fodder, then we are no better than other privileged communities in which a culture of complaining and coddling allows for a stagnation of innovation and ignorance of our differences.

We should be forced to evaluate our learning, to question concepts, to be co-conspirators in our own academic lives. If we don’t practice challenging the values, perspectives, and knowledge of others, how can we be effective at it in actual, real life? Being a college student in some ways puts us in a fabricated society in which we are afforded a lot of protection in order to experiment with our lifestyles and identities, to learn about the world, and to practice being activists for our passions. Olin is an extremely safe environment that actually creates this opportunity directly within our courses. The door is open – but we lament about the draft rather than look to see what lies beyond.

At Olin, we will become competent engineers, but that’s not the reason Olin exists – it is just a fortunate side effect. I hope that we, in our capacity as pampered hamsters while at Olin, are more willing in the future to sacrifice a bit of our comfort in order to create something amazing for others. After graduation, I hope that in our capacity as extremely privileged individuals that we are looking forward to experiencing frustration in order to make change in our society.

Horoscopes By Drunk Editors

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): What do you mean you don’t have anything to do? How do you not have piles upon mountains upon plateaus of work? Did you forget a class?
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Non, Rien de rien. Non, Je ne regrette rien. Ni le bien qu’on m’a fait. Ni le mal tout ça m’est bien égal. Non, Rien de rien. Non, Je ne regrette rien.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): So long as you survive this next week with all your limbs and digits attached, and you don’t have any more/fewer injuries than you did last week, I’d say you’re doing ok.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): Unemployment is always an option, though the benefits aren’t great. Walmart is another option, but I’m told that the benefits are even worse. Consider your options wisely.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): Yes, you do have time to binge watch all of The Vampire Diaries on Netflix (not that there aren’t a million other, better, shows that you could procrastinate on, but I don’t know your life).
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Once every 25 years, it is rumored that the mystical homework fairy emerges and completes all the out-standing work and projects of good college students. This is not that year.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): You know what would be really funny? If all your finals happened to be scheduled on the same day. And you spent the whole night cramming and doing last minute analysis and then the poster printers all decided to stop working. So you borrowed a friend’s car to get Staples to print it for you at 7AM. And then you realized you forgot your pants as you ran in for your first presentation. But then all of your professors sent out emails saying they were cancelling their respective finals. And you were left standing at the classroom door in your boxers. That would be funny.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): Actually, you know what would be even funnier than what’s going to happen to Scorpio? If the car was out of gas. So you had to take a GO Bike. But then the chain broke and you had to run to Staples, only to find that they didn’t open until 9AM. So you decided to just take the zero on the poster. And you trudged back to Olin, still ended up in class in your underwear. But then you did actually have to stand up and give a presentation. And then later, you realized the poster printers were fine, and you were just on OLIN GUEST.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Yes, making up data is bad. Like, definitely getting a zero on your paper, possible suspension, borderline illegal if we were out in the real world bad. That doesn’t mean I’m telling you not to do it. But like Leo, you should consider your options.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): Feel like everything is falling to pieces? I’ve felt like that too. Expect they were just end mills. It was 304 stainless steel though, so I have an excuse. What’s yours?
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): Have you seen the rings under your eyes? There’s this knew concept that people are trying. It’s called getting enough sleep. We’re provided with beds, and things vaguely resembling mattresses. You could stand to use yours a little more often.
Aries (March 21 – April 19): Oh, you’re graduating? Con-grad-ulations, wink wink. So what are you doing after graduation? Where are you working? Are you with someone? When are you gonna get married? Are you gonna have kids? How many? Thought about any names? Have you signed up for preschool yet?

Horoscopes By Drunk Editors

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): One is the loneliest number. Unless it goes to a party. You should attend a few this month.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): Water is your sign. Drink lots of water. Good thing beer has water in it. So does wine. And vodka. Really any liquid to drown your sorrows at being alone during the middle of the month.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19): Don’t take the bull by the horns in a relationship. That’s stupid and dangerous. Actually, you probably shouldn’t have a bull in a relationship at all.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): Get your hipster on this month. Give your special friend sweets in a mason jar.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20): They love me. They love me not. Make up your mind and stop whining about it.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22): Here’s what’s in your future… oh damn! The crystal ball has short term memory loss. There’s always the Magic 8 ball if you’re really that desperate.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22): Roses are red, violets are blue. No one loves you. Boo hoo hoo.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22): Here’s a great plan for your love life. Fall in love with yourself. Really. You deserve it. And no one’s gonna treat you better than you.

Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22): Smile more. You’ll make more friends, cheer people up, and feel great in the process. Smile, dammit! (WARNING: side effects white skin, and slowly turning into a morbid joke telling, deranged, homicidal maniac.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): Want a Valentine’s date? Rub vanilla and sugar on your skin. JK. Unless you’re into ants.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the sweetest of them all? It’s you, baby. At least, it’s you unless Scorpio up there really is into ants.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): If you eat lots of Valentine’s candy, guess you know the answer to “Does this make my butt look big?” Then again, chocolate helps produce dopamine, so really, it’s all about compromises (or something like that, Bio is not my thing).

Horoscopes by Drunk Editors

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Marco?

Taurus (April 20 – May 20):.Many hands.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): You, are foudroyant.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): April showers bring rainbows. Go find some.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): Nyctalopic octothrope.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): There’s gum on your shoes. Both of them.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Politeal Popinjays Play Ping Pong.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Boo.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): Name a country.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Hitherto.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): [create your own]

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): POLO!