Horrorscopes

Aries(March 21- April 19):

This is a scary month.   

No comment. 

Spooky Article: Unopened ream of W.B. Mason high definition paper.

Taurus (April 20-May 20):

This phrase will help you when you need it most: 

Fhdfs9e9idwokdleo93ijl0qks 

Spooky article: Enchanted Dagger

Gemini (May 21–June 21): 

Expect to be driving down a long road one night, when suddenly a small cat appears on the road. You’ll stop the car to save the cat. It will start raining and your car will break. You’ll follow the cat and arrive in front of a Victorian-style house. You’ll knock, and then walk in. When you’ll cross the threshold, you will find… a giant cat. 

Spooky Article: Catnip

Cancer (June 22–July 22):

Better luck next time. 

Spooky Article: Unopened Cutlery (salt and pepper included).

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22):

When you visit that antique store, don’t buy the amulet.

Spooky Article: the amulet we told you not to buy.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22):

Think twice about claiming your inheritance from Colonel Beauregard Sanders.

Spooky Article: Coupons good from June 3010-Nov 2099.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 23):

Do cover your feet under when you go to bed. (The monster under your bed doesn’t want your toes to get cold).

Spooky Article: Toe Socks

Scorpio (Oct. 24–Nov. 21): 

Avoid trouble by refraining from asking  nosey questions, such as “Why are they publishing horrorscopes in November, and not October?  

Spooky Article: Clown noses.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): 

Make sure to pick a turkey which won’t be vengeful in the afterlife.

Spooky Article: Rusted Cutting Knife.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19): 

Mid fall is prime time for catching a cold. Don’t forget about the typical seasonal illnesses, like all-I-want-for-christmas-is-you-itis or Wham! Fever. 

Spooky Article: Vicks Vapo Rub from 1999.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18): 

*around the campfire* 

“…. and then the vampire said: ‘ FW:FW:FW:FW…..’”

Spooky Image:

Pisces (ʘ ω ʘ) (Feb. 19–Mar. 20): 

To honor your astrology sign, consider jumping into the Boston Harbor, and swimming across the Atlantic

Spooky Article: Magic Hat that makes you say, “boop” everytime you put it on or take it off.

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