Horoscopes by Idiots for Idiots

Editor’s Note: This was done in response to me needing material and my friends being memers. I would like to thank them for doing this and for helping fold the Frankly Speaking articles for the past couple of months. uwu I love you all. 

If you would like to see something different please submit materials.

Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19):
The stars will not stand for such yellow bellied actions

Taurus (April 20-May 20):

The stars predict tomorrow you’ll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

source: weird “al” yankovic

Gemini (May 21–June 21)

Take a nap, you bitch.

Cancer (June 22–July 22):
Beware of getting crabs. You just are.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22):

Purr i cawe about my furiends rawr xD owo cawwy me purr I wuv aw of my furiends Xd uwu.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22):
No comment. Your mother would not be proud.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 23):
I will not stop stabbing you because I am not stabbing you. 

Scorpio (Oct. 24–Nov. 21):
STOP STABBING ME

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21):
Killing furries is legal on some planets. You and Kenta finally become as strong as pegasus.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19):
Today you earn your horns. Be on the lookout for rites of passage and chances at growth. This is the time for you to focus, Capricorn. All of your energy needs to be channeled to important goals like getting your pubes dyed, or finding out how many chicken nuggets you can forcefully shove into your disgusting gob. Maybe both.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

There’s travel in your future when your tongue 

Freezes to the back of a speeding bus

source: weird “al” yankovic

Pisces (Feb. 19–Mar. 20)

You’ll experience deja Vu, the feeling that this moment has already happened. Which is Deja Vu, the feeling that this moment has already happened.

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