F Seeking Whatever for Valentine’s Day

I’ve never dated anyone long enough to make it to February, and therefore have never had a date on Valentine’s Day. This year, I’m changing that. I’m going on a date with Geoff Pleiss on February 14th, 2012. The problem is neither of us wants to go on a date with each other, so we’re each seeking out a special someone and double dating. With this article, I am opening applications to be my Valentine. The requirements for the position are as follows:

1. Design Nature is a necessary prerequisite, as it’s a good thing to talk about when we have awkward silences.
2. Gender doesn’t matter, but I’d prefer male or female.
3. Applicants must be above 5’8” or less than 3’8” tall. I want to be able to imagine you as an Elf or a Hobbit, but nothing in between. (Though if you happen to look a lot like Aragorn, I can make exceptions.)
4. You can’t know all of the jokes in the world, because I dislike it when people ruin my punchlines.
5. You need to be able to hold your liquor, because I’m not walking you back to your room. (Unless the date goes really well, in which case I will definitely be walking you back and probably into your room.)
6. Applicants with prior experience in the field will receive preferential placement in the second round of interviews.
7. Applicants must be comfortable with working in groups.
8. Experience in nodeology (the study of knots) is a plus.
9. In Tengwar (If you can read this, none of the other requirements matter.)
10. BioE’s need not apply.

If your application is accepted, please be prepared for a technical interview. The second round of the application process will include an oral examination.
Applications and references can be sent to EH426B.